LOVERS' LANE
by Clyde Fitch

ACT I. THE PARSONAGE.
ACT II. THE MAIN STREET.
ACT III. AUTUMN IN THE ORCHARD.
ACT IV. SPRING IN THE ORCHARD.

AT EDDYSVILLE.

THE PERSONS IN THE PLAY
THE REV. THOMAS SINGLETON. The Minister, graduate of Amherst, '86.
HERBERT WOODBRIDGE. From New York.
UNCLE BILL. The church bell-ringer of the Minister's household.
HOSEA BROWN. The storekeeper.
MR. SKILLIG. Manager of the Opera House.
DEACON STEELE. Head Deacon of the Church.
BILLY, HARRY } Eddysville boys.
DICK WOODBRIDGE.
MARY LARKIN. From the Students' League 0f York.
MRS. HERBERT WOODBRIDGE. The Alto of the choir later of the Minister's household.
SIMPLICITY JOHNSON. From the Orphan Asylum; of the Minister's household.
MISS MATTIE. The Minister's housekeeper.
AUNT MELISSY. From the poorhouse; of the Minister's household.
BRIDGET. The cook from the hospital; of the Minister's household.
MRS. LANE. Herbert Woodbridge's sister, from New York.
MRS. HOSEA BROWN. Social leader of Eddysville.
MISS MOLLY MEALEY. The schoolmistress.
MRS. STEELE. Chairwoman of the Sewing Circle.
MRS. JENNINGS. The dressmaker, with latest styles from Boston; goes twice a year to the City.
BESSIE STEELE. A schoolgirl.

Produced by W. A. Brady at the Manhattan Theatre, New York, on February 6, 1901, with the following cast:
The Rev.Thomas Singleton . . . . . Ernest Hastings
Herbert Woodbridge . . . . .. .. . Edward J. Radcliffe
Uncle Bill. . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . R. L. Stockwell
Hosea Brown. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Frank Hatch
Mr. Skillig . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . Charles W. Swain
Deacon Steele . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . Julian Barton
Billy. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . William Betts
Harry. . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . James Coyle
Dick Woodbridge . . . . . . . . . .. . . Herbert Halliday
Mary Larkin . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . Nanette Comstock
MRS. Herbert Woodbridge . . .. . . Brandon Douglas
Simplicity Johnson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Millie Jarnes
Aunt Melissy . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . Agnes Findlay
Mattie . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . Sadie Stringham
Bridget . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lizzie Conway
MRS. Lane. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rachel Sterling
MRS. Hosea Brown. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Zelda Sears
MISS Molly Mealey . . . . . . . . . . . Emily Wakeman
MRS. Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Annie Mifflin
MRS. Jennings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lillian Lee
Bessie Steele . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . Lillian Sinnott

ACT I

SCENE: The MINISTER'S Study. "A pleasant, sunny room. The MINISTER'S desk, littered with interrupted work, and his chair are by the window, Right. Left is a " parlor organ." In the Centre is a large round table, with a green wool cover, a " student's lamp." books. a ruler, a vase of garden flowers , etc. A rocking-chair, two small chairs and a low stool are beside it. Back, between two windows, a low bookcase. In front of one window, toward Right back, is a hair cloth sofa. In the other sunny window is a green " shelf " flower stand, filled with pots of geranium, fuchsia, and heliotrope, etc. Cheap, but very clean, lace curtains are " looped back " at the windows. On the walls are a few engravings, and a faded family photograph in an oval gilt frame. There is an air of cheerfulness and comfort. Enter MISS MATTIE, followed by BRIDGET, who stops, her face hidden in her apron, weeping. MATTIE talking in a steady stream.
MATTIE. Don't answer me back, Bridget. I won't listen to you. Do you hear me? I have told you time and time again I won't have that child in the kitchen. For goodness' sake, where is she? [Calls.] Simplicity' Simplicity I [Enter SIMPLICITY, weeping.] Oh, here you are! Well, come right along, you naughty girl! I want you to see what your disobedience has brought to others as well as yourself and- Don't break in while I am talking, Bridget - and put your apron down. [BRIDGET drops her apron for the first time from her face and shows it distorted with grief.] And stop making faces at me, Bridget.
BRIDGET. [Crying.] I'm not making faces, ma'am, I'm waping.
MATTIE. Don't answer me back. Ain't you ashamed of yourself to let that child stay in the kitchen when you know she's been forbidden to go there? What was she doing?
BRIDGET. Oh, plaze, ma'am, you'll discharge me if I tell you.
MATTIE. I'LL discharge you if you don't.
BRIDGET. Oh, well, then, ma'am, I was bakin' her a wee bit of cake.
MATTIE. [Coming to the front of the table, staggered.] What! you were, were you? Do you know that's stealing? Bridget O'Hara! And you living here under the same roof with Mr. Singleton! - and listening to his sermons every Sunday! Bridget, you take a week's notice.
BRIDGET. Thank you, ma'am, but…
MATTIE. Stop asking me to take you back. Go pack your trunk and don't you let me set eyes on your face again as long as I live.
[BRIDGET goes out.]
BRIDGET. [From outside.] You won't let me get a word in edgeways.
MATTIE. [To SIMPLICITY.] Come here! [SIMPLICITY comes toward her, sucking her thumb.] Take your thumb out of your mouth. Nice thing for a girl of eleven to be doing. Sucking your thumb! Now ain't it?
SIMPLTCITY. [ Backing away - guardedly.] Yes'm.
MATTIE. [Following.] I said no!
SIMPLICITY. Yes'm.
MATTIE. Say no.
SIMPLICITY. No!
MATTIE. Ma'am!
SIMPLICITY. Ma'am. [Backing to organ and dodging behind it.]
MATTIE. Land, where is your tongue? [Following around the table.]
SIMPLICITY. Where my thumb was.
MATTIE. Don't you dare to be saucy to me! [SIMPLICTTY keeps on dodging MISS MATT'IE.] Why don't you say something?
SIMPLICITY. [Stops at the table and sneaks away the ruler.] Ain't got nothing to say.
MATTIE. [Up in the air.] Say you're sorry. Ain't you sorry?
SIMPLICITY. No, ma'am. [Sees her mistake.]
MATTIE. What! Very well, we'll see if we can make you sorry. [Pointing toward the table.] Get me the ruler.
SIMPLICITY. 'Tain't there.
MATTIE. How do you know it ain't? [Goes to the table.] Where is it?
[Searching the table.]
SIMPLICITY. [Keeping the ruler behind her.] Burnt up.
MATTIE. What!
SIMPLICITY. To help bake the cake with.
MATTIE. You impudent child! Come here. [She leans on the desk-table and takes off her slipper.] Why ain't you sorry?
SIMPLICITY. [Crying.] 'Cause Pops told me to go to the kitchen and tell Bridget to make the cake.
MATTIE. My brother Tom did?
SIMPLICITY. Yes, ma'am.
MATTIE. Why didn't you tell me that before?
SIMPLICITY. [Crying.] 'Cause you didn't ask me.
MATTIE. Why didn't Bridget tell me?
SIMPLICITY. 'Cause you didn't give her a chance. [MATTIE shows temper.] Bridget says the only way she could ever answer you back is by speaking first.
MATTIE. [Advancing.] Oh! she said that, did she? [Drops her slipper on the table and starts for the door .] I was going to take her back, but I won't now. [Steps on imaginary pin. SIMPLICITY picks up the slipper.]
SIMPLICITY. Won't you?
MATTIE. [Almost at the door.] No, I won't!
SIMIPLICITY. Won't you? [She hides the slipper behind her back, and looks out of the window.]
MATTIE. No, I won't.
SIMPLICITY. Won't you? Oh, there's company coming!
MATTIE. [Hopping around on one foot.] Company? . Good gracious! Where is my slipper? [She falls on her hands and knees, hunting under the table.]
SIMPLICITY. [Dancing with glee.] If I find your slipper for you, will you take Bridget back?
MATTIE. [On her knees, searching all around.] No, I won't. [Getting up.] I believe you've got that slipper. Have you?
SIMPLICITY. Yes, ma'am.
MATTIE. For the land's sake! Give it to me at once. [Starting after SIMPLICITY.]
SIMPLICITY. [Dodging away from MATTIE to the window.] Not unless you take Bridget back. I guess they're city folks.
MATTIE. You give me that slipper, you wicked girl. [Running after SIMPLICITY.] I'll tell the Minister, just as soon as he comes in, to punish you - and for fear he won't do it, I'll do it myself.
[She chases SIMPLICITY across the room. Enter MINISTER.]
MINISTER. Why Mattie! Mattie! What's the matter?
SIMPLICITY. I've been bad!
[She throws the slipper at MATTIE.]
MINISTER. What! Again?
SIMPLICITY. Yes, sir. Again!
MATTIE. [Putting on her slipper.] You'd better make her learn another chapter in the Bible, Tom.
MINISTER. My dear Mattie, if we always punished her that way, she would soon know the whole Old Testament, and be tripping you and me up. That's all right, Mattie. [He sits down at the table.] I'll punish her.
MATTIE. [Comes over to him.] I'm sort of suspicious of your punishments, Tom. But first I want to tell you about Bridget. She - is-so-
MINISTER. [Waving her away.] Not now! Not now! I must get to work on to-morrow's sermon. I haven't begun it yet.
MATTIE. What's the subject, Tom?
MINISTER. [Thoughtfully.] " Is there an actual Purgatory or not? "
SIMPLICITY. Course there is. [Going over to him.] You just ask the matron of the Asylum where I used to be. What she don't know about Purgatory ain't worth talking about.
MATTIE. [Aghast.] Why, Simplicity! You don't know what you're saying.
SIMPLICITY. Don't I? Guess you'd think so if you'd been at the Asylum.
MATTIE. Tom, you punish that child before you begin. It will tone you up. [ Goes out.]
MINISTER. Come here. [Turns his chair toward SIMPLICITY.] Come here and be punished.
SIMPLICITY. [Going over to the MINISTER.] Pops! I'm awful sorry .
MINISTER. Then kiss me. [She kisses him.] There, now you're punished. What was it you did?
SIMPLICITY. MISS Mattie discharged Bridget, and I teased her to make her take her back!
MINISTER. Was that it? Then you may kiss me again, MISS. [SIMPLICITY kisses him and sits down beside him.] And now say, "I'll try not to tease MISS Mattie any more."
SIMPLICITY. I've said it once before, to-day, Pops, but it don' seem to do much good.
MINISTER. I guess it does as much good as learning a chapter in the Bible, and you can say it quicker. Come on now.
SIMPLICITY. I'll try not to tease MISS Mattie any more.
MINISTER. And try hard! You try hard!
SIMPLICITY. Pops, is MISS Mattie really your sister?
MINISTER. No.
SIMPLICITY. Then what is she? [Sprawling on table.]
MINISTER. She is my brother-in-law's second wife's step-sister.
SIMPLICITY. [Confused.] Oh [Rises, goes all around the table, looking under the edge for chewing-gum.]
MINISTER. Yes, and she doesn't get on with her step-sister, my brother-in-law's second wife, so that she hasn't any other home, and lives here with me. Now I must get to work on my sermon. SIMPLICITY. [Back of MINISTER, with her arms around his neck.] Then you've just given her a home, as you've taken in Aunt Melissy and Uncle Bill and me, Pops?
MINISTER. She says it's you and Uncle Bill and Aunt Melissy who've taken me in. There!There! I must get to work! [Starts to write, SIMPLICITY looking over his shoulder.] I don't believe there's a Purgatory, Simple.
SIMPLICITY. Don't you, Pops? [Glancing around, as if looking for MISS MATTIE.] Then where will MISS Mattie go when she dies?
MINISTER. Simplicity! Now you stop - stop - or I'll punish you again. I must get to work! [Enter BRIDGET, sniffling.]
BRIDGET. If you plaze, sorr, -
MINISTER. What is it, Bridget?
BRIDGET. [Sniffling.] If you plaze, sorr, a Committee from the Choir's outside in the hall waitin' to see you.
MINISTER. I'm very busy just now, but you can show them in, Bridget.
BRIDGET. Yes, sorr. [Goes out.]
MINISTER. We must do something for that asthma of Bridget's.
SIMPLICITY. 'Tain't asthma- it's feelings- 'cause MISS Mattie discharged her. Guess Bridget believes there's a Hell. [BRIDGET comes back, showing in COMMITTEE.]
BRIDGET. Come right into the study, plaze [Sniffling. Enter MRS. BROWN and MISS MEALEY. BRIDGET goes out.]
MRS. BROWN. Good morning, Dr. Singleton! [Goes over to the organ and sits on the stool.]
MISS MEALEY. Good morning!
SIMPLICITY. Hello! [She sits on a low stool on the other side of the table so that it hides her from the others.]
MINISTER. [Rising.] Good morning. Won't you sit down? Won't you sit down- [As MISS MEALEY passes him.] Your new hat's very be coming, MISS Molly.
MISS MEALEY. [Sits in the easy chair.] Thanks. But it seems to me as if you never noticed what I had on.
MINISTER. On the contrary, MISS Molly , everything!
MRS. BROWN. Good gracious!
MISS MEALEY. [To MRS. BROWN.] I think, my dear, we had better speak at once of the matter that brought us.
MRS. BROWN. Yes. I suppose, Minister, we are keeping you from finishing to-morrow's sermon?
MINISTER. [Coming up between the ladies; smiling.] No - from beginning it.
MISS MEALEY. What is the subject?
MINISTER. " Is there an actual Purgatory or not? "
MISS MEALEY. S-w-ee-t!
MRS. BROWN. Well, I hope there isn't, for my husband's sake! But [rising] what we've come for is [Notices SIMPLICITY.] - Oh [Whispering to MINISTER.] Please send that child out.
MINISTER. Oh, yes. Simple!
SIMPLICITY. Pops!
MINISTER. You go out for a little while.
SIMPLICITY. What for?
MINISTER. For fun. [SIMPLICITY goes out. Turning to the COMMITTEE.] Is it anything serious?
MISS MEALEY. Very! Mrs. Woodbridge-our-
MRS. .BROWN. [Interrupting.] Our soprana, turns out to be a reg-
MISS MEALEY. [Rises interrupting.] Perfect snake in the grass. Of course we all know she had set her cap for you.
MINISTER. Oh, come now, MISS Molly.
MRS. BROWN. [In a loud whisper to MISS MEALEY.] Don't be a fool, Molly Mealey show him your jealousy that way! Of course Molly has had to put up with her city clothes and we've had to put up with her city airs, and now it's got to end.
MINISTER. Why, I thought everyone loved Mrs. Woodbridge.
MISS MEALEY. Oh, all the men do.
MRS. BROWN. You must discharge her from the choir.
MINISTER. I! Why, I couldn't do such a thing, and I wouldn't. Why , she hasn't a cent in the world, except her salary, to support herself and her poor little lame boy.
MISS MEALEY. [Rising and going up to him.] Well, if you don't discharge her, we will!
MINISTER. No! What has she done?
MRS. BROWN. She's divorced from her husband! That's what she's done!
MISS MEALEY A divorcee!
MINISTER. Well, maybe her husband wasn't all that he should be.
MISS MEALEY. Humph! More likely she wasn't. They say she was an actress!
MRS. BROWN. Sung and danced in one of the continual performances!
MINISTER. I'd like to have seen her. [MISS MEALEY and MRS. BROWN are astounded.]
MISS MEALEY and MRS. BROWN. What!
MRS. BROWN. If she remains in the choir I resign now. [Hitting a book on the table with a bang.]
MISS MEALEY. There goes the mezzer sopraner, and the whole choir has agreed to do the same thing.
MINISTER. But, Mrs. Brown, you know what a splendid young woman she is. She lives with you!
MRS. BROWN. Oh, no, she doesn't. [To MINISTER.] I have a family of boys to bring up. Besides, I have always suspected Brown was a little too polite to her. She's packing her trunks now.
MINISTER. Really, ladies, you take my breath away.
MRS. BROWN. Well, she took our'n. [Both go to the MINISTER.] Now which is it? If we go, the organist goes with us. Mrs. Canning says all the wealth of the Indies couldn't make her play accompaniments for a divorced voice.
MISS MEALEY. If she sings-remember.
MRS. BROWN and MISS MEALEY. We don't! [Going to the door.] Good morning!
MINISTER. If you're going home now, you might send her over to me-will you?
MRS. BROWN. I'11 go straight home, and she can come here before looking for new rooms.
MISS MEALEY. [At the door.] Don't be afraid of hurting her feelings.
MINISTER. No.
MRS. BROWN. We haven't been.
MINISTER. So I imagine. Good-by!
MRS. BROWN. Good-by. [Goes 0ut.]
MINISTER. Good-by, Miss Molly.
MISS MEALEY. Good-by. [Giggling, starts to go, turns, and runs to the MINISTER, unwrapping large slippers and thrusting them into his hands, saying: ] For you - [Giggles.] For you! [Giggles until she is out of the door.]
MINISTER. Well, now we must fix this somehow for poor Mrs. Woodbridge. How can anyone be angry at Molly Mealey! [Looking at the slippers, he lays them on the table.] Pleasant change from wristlets! They'll fit Uncle Bill. [Going toward the door, he calls.] Mattie! Gracious! I must get to work. [He sits down once more at his table. Enter UNCLE BILL and AUNT MELISSY. MELISSY sits on stool.]
UNCLE BILL. Good day, Doctor.
MINISTER. Hello, Uncle Bill! Been for a walk?
U NCLE BILL. Yes, sir. Me and Melissy been for a stroll. Come along. [To AUNT MELISSY.] The Minister's here and he can decide for us. [AUNT MELISSY says " H-a-y-e? " UNCLE BILL repeats.]
MINISTER. [Raising his voice.] Well, Aunt Melissy, you and Uncle Bill haven't been having another argument, have you?
AUNT MELISSY. Yes, we have, Minister. I say there's no such thing as love at first sight, and Mr.
Williarn says there is.
UNCLE BILL. I tell Melissy the very first time I sot eyes on her I felt Cupid takin' aim with his arrow right here. [Putting his hand on his heart.]
AUNTMELISSY. [Interrupting.] I didn't think, Minister, when you asked me to come and live with you, I was going to have the end of my days made miserable by the same questions that turned their beginning topsy-turvy.
UNCLE BILL. That ain't the p'int - that ain't the p'int. The p'int is, is there such a thing as love at first sight? [Both going to the MINISTER; MINISTER scratches his head. MATTIE enters.]
MATTIE. Now look here, Aunt Melissy and Uncle Bill, you mustn't interrupt the Minister. He's at work on tomorrow's sermon. [She hurries them off.] Tom, what do you think? Mrs. White has twins.
MINISTER. Twins? .
MATTIE. I never did have any patience with that woman!
MINISTER. Which are they?
MATTIE. Girls-both girls! Where will they ever get husbands in this town? [Goes out Right. BRIDGET comes in Left.]
BRIDGET. If you plaze, sorr- [sniffling] the lady with a voice like a flute is askin' to see you.
MINISTER. [Rises.] Oh, Mrs. Woodbridge!
BRIDGET. Yes, sorr. [Sniffling.]
MINISTER. [Absent-mindedly.] Got the asthma, Bridget?
BRIDGET. N o, sorr, I've got me notice.
MINISTER. [Absent-mindedly.] Have you taken anything for it?
BRIDGET. Sure, it's me lave I've got to take.
MINISTER. Oh, that's it, is it? Simple told me. Come here, Bridget. Don't you go! Miss Mattie will be sure to come around all right tomorrow. You leave her to me.
BRIDGET. To you, sorr? Oh, the Lord bless you, sorr-it would break me heart to lave you, so it would. But what about Mrs. Woodbridge, sorr?
MINISTER. By Jupiter! I forgot all about her. Bring her right in!
[BRIDGET starts to go out; meets MRS. WOODBRIDGE coming in.]
BRIDGET. Sure, here is the lady herself. [Goes out.]
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. Good morning, Doctor.
MINISTER. Won't you sit down? [Indicates chair by the table. ]
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. MRS. Brown has told you, Doctor?
MINISTER. [Sitting on the organ bench.] Yes, and I want to talk over with you the best way to fix it.
MRS. W OODBRIDGE. First, I want to tell you how it was I came here two years ago. I wanted to leave the city, where all the associations were most painful, and, besides, I thought my little boy might be stronger in the country. My husband-I had better be quite frank with you-my husband soon after our marriage began to drink heavily-then he lost all his money on the horses and-what little I had- [Rises.] Did I do wrong to leave him?
MINISTER. [Rising and coming to MRS. WOOD BRIDGE.] Could you have helped him by holding on to him, I wonder?
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. [With averted face.] That's what I sometimes ask myself-when the old love for my ideal of him comes back with overwhelming force.
MINISTER. Ah, well! Each one's heart and mind is the best court for them to appeal to.
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. I thought I ought at any rate to take the boy away before he grew old enough to understand. He has been baptized in sorrow, and I want his life to be confirmed with joy somewhere, or somehow-
MINISTER. But he's so much better and brighter already.
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. [Joyfully.] Oh, do you think so? Well, that's my story, except when I came here I never lied. I said I had no husband-I didn't think it necessary to explain more. But of course when I was asked whether I was a widow or divorced, to-day, there was nothing to do but to speak the truth, which I did.
MINISTER. [Takes a chair near MRS. WOOD BRIDGE.] I'm afraid you weren't prepared to find such good people as they are here. Really, you know, so narrow. Were you? [Moving towards her.] But I'm stretching them all I can.
MRS. W OODBRIDGE. And perhaps I can be of some use as a wedge?
MINISTER. W ell-to go back to the choir-
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. I'd resign in a minute if it wasn't for Dick. I want to make money enough to have him treated. Little lame backs are made whole now-a-days, you know, without miracles.
MINISTER. I know-I was thinking of that the other day, but I believe it will be best to have you resign now, anyway, and let the congregation hear Miss Mealey sing a solo again. We won't need much more to get them all on our side.
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. [Rising, puts out her hand.] How encouraging you are! Meanwhile, I shall have to find some other place for Dick and me to live in.
MINISTER. [Rises and takes her hand.] That'll be easy enough.
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. So I thought, but on my way here, three ladies with empty third-floors told me they hadn't any rooms.
MINISTER. Well, I'll tell you what - you and Dick come here and live with us.
MRS. W OODBRIDGE. Here? Oh, no! W e couldn't do that.
MINISTER. Why not? Miss Mattie'll make it all right. Come now, get Dick and your trunk, and stay.
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. But are you sure you've room?
MJNISTER. Oh, yes, yes-plenty of room.
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. But you have so many people here now.
MJNISTER. Why, no we haven't-no one at all.
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. There's Miss Mattie and Simplicity-I know them-
MINISTER. [In thought.] Oh yes, and Uncle Bill and Aunt Melissy, but that's all.
MRS. W OODBRIDGE. Aunt Melissy? Perhaps she won't like me.
MINISTER. Oh, yes she will, and you'll like her, too. She's a nice old person, a real lady. Lost all her money in a bank that shut up suddenly, and has a perfect horror of dying in the poorhouse, so I told her to come and die here.
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. And did she?
MINISTER. Yes, that is, she came here, but I am glad to say she hasn't died yet.
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. And who's Uncle Bill?
MINISTER. Why, you know Uncle Bill Walters?
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. Oh, the old man who rings the church bell?
MINISTER. Yes. He was living alone and had to do his own cooking-couldn't make enough money to pay a servant. So I told him just to come and live with us, and let us be company for him.
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. [Turns to him.] How good of you!
MINISTER. Why, no-he's a splendid character. I consider it a privilege to have him-he's sweet on Aunt Melissy. You mustn't cut her out now, will you?
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. [Laughing.] No, I'LL try not.
MINISTER. And don't mind Miss Mattie if she is a little cantankerous at first. She always does that when any woman comes to the house. It will take about seven days for her to find out that you don't want to marry me.
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. Maybe Miss Mattie won't like me on account of my trouble.
MINISTER. Oh, dear no. Mattie's the broadest minded, most generous creature in the world.
MATTIE. [Outside. Yells.] T-o-m!
MINISTER. That's Mattie now. [MRS. WOOD BRIDGE starts toward the door, frightened.] Wait a minute. I'll tell Mattie. She'll be so pleased. [Calls.] Mattie!
MATTIE. [Entering; rather shortly.] What is it, Tom? Oh! Good morning, Mrs. Woodbridge.
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. Good morning, Miss Mattie.
MINISTER. [Timidly from behind the desk.] Mattie, Mrs. Woodbridge is coming to live with us.
MATTIE. [Astounded.] What!
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. Dr. Singleton has asked me to, but I have told him I don't think I ought to accept his kind offer.
MINISTER. We'll feel rather hurt if she doesn't - now, won't we, Mattie?
MATTIE. [Aside to the MINISTER.] When is she coming?
MINISTER. This evening.
MATTIE. This evening! [Disgusted.]
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. Perhaps it will inconvenience you to have Dick and me here!
MATTIE. Oh, I suppose I can stand it if the Minister can.
MINISTER. [To MRS. WOODBRIDGE.] There, I told you Mattie would be pleased. You mustn't mind Mattie's ways.
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. But perhaps you'd rather I didn't come this evening, Miss Mattie?
MATTIE. Well, I must own- [MRS. WOODBRIDGE walks over to the window.]
MINISTER. [To MATTIE, interrupting.] That you'd be disappointed if she didn't - eh, Mattie? [Winks at MATTIE.]
MATTIE. [Hesitating.] No, Tom, that wasn't what I was going to say, but I suppose it's none of my business. [Turning to bookcase and arranging books. Goes out.]
MINISTER. [To MRS.WOODBRIDGE.] Now, you stay right here, and I'LL send Uncle Bill after Dick and your trunk.
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. Do you think I'd better?
MINISTER. Yes.
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. Well, thank you ever so much. I'll tell Uncle Bill. You needn't trouble-he's on the porch. [Goes out; the MINISTER starts to follow.]
MATTIE. [Coming back.] Now , brother Tom, I would just like to know where you are going to put her! I suppose you want me to give up my room!
MINISTER. [Turning back to Mattie.] Why, no, Mattie. She's to have mine.
MATTIE. Yours? Then where will you sleep?
MINISTER. Here. I shall do nicely .
MATTIE. Here!
MINISTER. Yes. [Looking around, points to the lounge.] On the lounge.
MATTIE. You sleep on that lounge? What'll you do with your feet?
MINISTER. [Laughing.] Hang 'em over the end, and then all the blood will rush out of my head, and then I shall sleep splendidly. [MRS. W OODERIDGE re enters, saying:]
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. Thank you, Mr. Walters, very much.
MINISTER. Mattie was just saying your room would want a little arranging for you.
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. [Taking MATTIE'S arm.] She must let me help her. [To MATTIE.] Yes, Miss Mattie, I insist. Show me where it is.
MATTIE. It's the room over the front porch.
MINISTER. Why no, Mattie, it's the room over the parlor.
MATTIE. [Goes up to the desk, sharply.] Now, brother Tom, I think I am the one who takes care of this house, and I say it's the room over the front porch.
[MATTIE and MRS. WOODBRIDGE go out together.]
MINISTER. Now, that's too bad. It's just like Mattie-so unselfish-going to give up her own room! Well, there's no use arguing with her. Mattie's bound to have her own way, and I must get to work on my sermon.
[He sits down at his desk once more. Enter BRlDGET, with her hair done up in curl papers.]
BRIDGET. If you plaze, sorr, there is such a nice young couple in the hall that wants to get married.
MINISTER. [Writing.] "Actual Purgatory."
BRIDGET. [Astounded, coming down.] What, sorr?
MINISTER. [Thoughtfully.] Bridget, do you believe in Purgatory?
BRIDGET. I believe in wedlock, sorr.
MINISTER. But that hasn't anything to do with my text-with what I was writing.
BRIDGET. Oh, St. Patrick! [Laughing.] I thought you was referring to the marriage state. I axes your pardon. There's a young couple out in the hall on the edge of matrimony, who are wantin' you to give them a wee bit of a push over.
MINISTER. Well, send them in, Bridget, and tell them they must be married quickly or, no-I mean they must -but don't tell them,-because I really have got to work on my sermon.
BRIDGET. Sure. She's a darlin' bit of a wife. [Showing them in at the door.] This way , if you plaze.
[Enter HERBERT WOODBRIDGE, followed by MARY LARKIN. BRIDGET goes out. MARY remains at thc back.]
HERBERT. [Coming forward to MINISTER.] You are Dr. Singleton?
MINISTER. [Rising.] I am - and you?-
HERBERT. My name is Woodbridge, and-
MARY. [Coming forward. ] I am Mary Larkin, and we wish to be-
HERBERT. [Going over to MARY.] Married.
MARY. [Unbuttoning her left glove.] Will you marry us?
MINISTER. Yes. I will be very glad to. How old are you, Mr. Woodbridge?
HERBERT. Thirty, sir.
MINISTER. [To MARY.] And you?-
MARY. Eighteen, sir. [Turns to HERBERT. MARY takes off the glove from her left hand and places it on the table.]
MINISTER. Eighteen? Isn't she pretty. [Forgetting himself.] Isn't she pretty-isn't she pretty-
MARY. [Turning.] What-sir?
MINISTER. [Starts.] Oh-er-I said eighteen was pretty young to marry, don't you think so?
MARY. Oh, no, sir. And then Herbert-I mean Mr. Woodbridge-is enough older to make up any way.
MINISTER. Where do you live?
MARY. My home is really in East Eddysville-seven miles away from here. We've just driven over. I met Mr. Woodbridge in New York, where I went last winter to study Art at the League.
MINISTER. [To HERBERT.] You are a New Yorker? So am I!
HERBERT. Yes, sir. Oh-don't let us keep you standing!
MINISTER. [Absent-mindedly.] No-no-excuse me. Let's all sit down. [The MINISTER gives MARY a chair. Then both men sit down.] You aren't in any hurry, are you?
HERBERT. Well-
MARY. [Interrupting.] Oh, no, not in the least.
MINISTER. [Moving nearer to MARY.] That's good. W e can take plenty of time, and talk it all over.
HERBERT. I don't think there is anything to say, sir, except what the marriage service requires.
MARY. You don't know me, sir, but I know you very well. I often come here to visit a school friend of mine-Molly Mealey-who teaches here.
HERBERT. But that's not the point.
MINISTER. Well, let me see-you are neither of you married already?
MARY. [Smiling.] No, sir.
HERBERT. [Gravely.] No, sir.
MINISTER. [To MARY.] But why are you not married at your own home?
MARY. I am not happy there-my mother has married a second time, and that's how I came to go to New York and -
MINISTER. [Interrupting.] I should think they'd miss you awfully. [Turning to HERBERT.] But that's your gain, isn't it? [Rising and returning the chair to the desk, he goes over to the bookcase.] I always use the Episcopal service. [He takes up a prayer-book from bookcase.] Are you to be married with a ring?
MARY. Oh, yes. Of course, sir -
HERBERT. [Rising from the organ bench.] Mary, I forgot the ring.
MARY. Herbert! Then we can't be married to-day!
MINISTER. And that would disappoint you very much, wouldn't it? [He lays the prayer-book on the table.]
MARY. Yes, sir, but after all we could do without the ring, though- [Smiling at HERBERT] I shan't feel quite altogether married, Herbert. [MINISTER stands in deep thought, twisting a ring on his finger.]
MARY. [Crosses to HERBERT.] Why? What is he doing?
HERBERT. I don't know. He's a funny old Johnnie, isn't he?
MARY. No, I think he is a dear man!
HERBERT. Well, I wish he'd brace up and marry us. I-I-I beg your pardon.
MINISTER. [Absent-mindedly.] I beg your pardon. I've got a ring. Will you let me give it to you for a wedding present? It was my sister's wedding ring once. She said for me to use it, but I'll never get married. The townspeople here tease me, you know-they say my little church is my sweetheart, and they call the road that leads to it from our orchard, " Lovers' Lane."
MARY. [Who is standing between the MINISTER and HERBERT.] Oh, but do you want to part with it?
MINISTER. Yes, I would like it to be your wed ding ring. [She takes the ring.] Now , we must have a couple of witnesses.
MARY. Oh, Herbert dear. [Turning to HER BERT.] We didn't bring any witnesses either.
MINISTER. [Going to the door.] Oh, I've got plenty of witnesses-house full of witnesses. [He calls.] Mattie! Mattie!
MATTIE. [Calling back to him.] Now , what is it, Tom?
MINISTER. I want you.
MATTIE. [Still calling.] Go on with your sermon-I'm busy!
MINISTER. I want you to be a witness.
MATTIE. For the land's sake! Witness to what?
MINISTER. A marriage.
MATTIE. [Impatiently, still calling.] I'm too busy. I've got no time for such nonsense. Call Bridget, and I'll send down Mrs. Woodbridge.
MINISTER. [Calling.] Bridget! [Taking up the prayer-book again.]
HERBERT. [Starts slightly to himself.] Mrs. Woodbridge!
MARY. Woodbridge-our name! Isn't that funny! .
MINISTER. That ought to bring you luck. Will you stand there? [They stand together as MRS. WOODBRIDGE comes in.]
MRS. W OODBRIDGE. You sent for me, Dr. Singleton?
MINISTER. Yes. Mrs. Woodbridge, I want you to witness a marriage between Miss Larkin and Mr.- [MRS. WOODBRIDGE starts as she sees HERBERT.]
HERBERT. Lucy!
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. Was it to witness a marriage between these two people that you called me, Dr. Singleton?
MINISTER. Yes.
MRS. W OODBRIDGE. I cannot do it.
MINISTER. [Kindly.] Tell us why not.
MRS. W OODERIDGE. Ask him who is the father of my v poor little boy.
HERBERT. Yes, we were once married, she and I.
MARY. [To HERBERT.] What do you mean?
MINISTER. [To MARY.] He was once her husband, but they are divorced now .
MARY. [To MINISTER.] But he never told me he had been married. Herbert, you never said you were HERBERT. [Interrupting.] I didn't want you to know .
MARY. But it was a lie-you told me a lie-you told me a lie!
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. [To MINISTER.] Don't let him ruin her poor young life if you can prevent it. [MRS. WOODBRIDGE leaves the room;. they watch her go. The MINISTER stands motionless. A pause.]
HERBERT. [Impatiently.] Well?
MINISTER. I cannot marry you-you must go to someone else.
HERBERT. Why? Because I am divorced?
MINISTER. No, because I don't think you will make Miss Larkin happy.
HERBERT. You are not the best judge of that.
MINISTER. [To MARY.] Do you still wish to marry him?
MARY. I don't know, sir!
HERBERT. [Scornfully, turning to MARY.] Because I have been divorced, you are going to throw me over?
MARY. No. Because you told me a lie!
HERBERT. Then you don't love me?
MARY. Oh-Herbert! [Turning to HERBERT, then to MINISTER.] Yes, I do still want to marry him.
MINISTER. Then you must get someone else to perform the service for you.
HERBERT. Very well, sir, I am sorry to have had to put you to this trouble. Good afternoon. [He goes toward the door. ] Come, Mary! [He waits at the door.]
MARY. [Starting to follow.] Good-by, sir!
MINISTER. Good-by. [He stands in deep study at his desk. MARY , remembering the ring, goes up to the MINISTER.]
MARY. Oh, Herbert! His ring! [To MINISTER.] Dr. Singleton, forgive me, I forgot your ring.
MINISTER. I hope you know, Miss Larkin, that I would be pleased to marry you if I could feel he would make you happy as you deserve.
MAR Y. Thank you, sir. -Your ring!
MINISTER. Do they know at home what you are doing?
MARY. No, sir, but they wouldn't care.
MINISTER. Then why not go home to-night and think it over?
HERBERT. [At door, impatiently.] Mary! It's getting late. I'LL go and get the horse. [Goes out.]
MARY. Thank you, sir, - you don't know how much he loves me - But your ring?
MINISTER. No, take it just the same - I am sorry not to be the one to put it on, but if you are determined to marry him, take it, and use it just the same. I want it to be your wedding ring. [HERBERT calls " MARY."] MARY. Thank you, sir. I must go. [She starts to go, but meets UNCLE BILL carrying DICK.]
UNCLE BILL. Here we are, Doctor-come in the back way. How d'ye do, Miss?
MARY. How do you do? Oh, you poor, dear little fellow. [She kisses DICK.] What's your name?
UNCLE BILL. Woodbridge. Dick Woodbridge, Esq. [MARY starts.] Now, you must hurry up and grow up, and some day you can marry a pretty lady like that. [UNCLE BILL goes to bay window and plays with , DICK, who has a Picture book.]
MARY. [To MINISTER. ] His boy! His boy! Doctor Singleton-I shall go home to-night! [She hurries from the room. The MINISTER pauses and thinks. He sees her glove on the table. He picks it up and lays it on his desk. SIMPLICITY comes in.]
SIMPLICITY. Pops! Thinkin' of your sermon?
MINISTER. No, Simple, I wasn't, though I ought to have been. I don't believe there's a Purgatory, Simple.
SIMPLICITY. I do, Pops. I've Tom my dress again. [She looks for tear, but can't find it.]
MINISTER. Dear me! Where?
SIMPLICITY. There! [Finding a big tear.] Pin it up for me, will you, Pops? [The MINISTER kneels and pins it together.]
MINISTER. How did you do it?
SIMPLICITY. Guess.
MINISTER. Climbing apple trees?
SIMPLICITY. Ugh-huh! [Laughs. Picking up MARY'S glove from the desk.] Whose glove is this?
MINISTER. [Rising and taking the glove from her.] Mine!
SIMPLICITY. Yours?
MINISTER. Yes! I got it in exchange for a ring.

THE CURTAIN FALLS

ACT II

SCENE: The schoolhouse corner. Opposite is the country store. Through a window the post office
is seen. It is recess time, and all the children are playing. Six or eight girls in a circle are shouting "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight - all around the other way." They join hands and dance around in a circle. A group of boys playing leap-frog with SIMPLICITY. Two small boys and one girl playing horse, with the smallest boy for the horse. The girl is driving. The teacher rings the school bell. SIMPLICITY hides behind two fighting boys (BILLY and HARRY). MR. BROWN, who keeps the store, is on the porch, smoking and reading. DICK is sitting on the school steps, looking on. MARY LARKIN sits beside him. MISS MEALEY comes from the schoolhouse, ringing the bell. The children stop playing.]

MISS MEALEY. Where's Simplicity?
ALL THE GIRLS. What?
MISS MEALEY. Simplicity.
BESSIE STEELE. [With girls - searching among the girls, calls.] Simplicity! Simplicity! Oh, she must be with the boys.]
MISS MEALEY. What, playing with the boys again, when I've expressly forbidden her! Simplicity! [There is a dead silence. SIMPLICITY is hiding behind the boys.] Simplicity, are you there?
SIMPLICITY. [Still hiding.] No, ma'am. [All the children laugh.]
MISS MEALEY. Come out this minute!
BILLY. She ain't here. That was me making believe.
MISS MEALEY. I know better. Come here, Simplicity! .
BILLY. [To SIMPLICITY.] Don't you do it.
MISS MEALEY. Billy Brown, you stay fifteen minutes after school.
BILLY. I don't care. She ain't here! [Going to MISS MEALEY.]
MISS ME ALEY. Now you'll stay half an hour after, Simplicity!
SIMPLICITY. I'm coming. [ Pushes her way between the two boys, giving BILLY a half-eaten apple.] Here, Billy. You take my apple. I'm sorry you've got to stay in.
MISS MEALEY. Haven't I told you you'd be punished if you didn't stop being such a tomboy? You 'll get the ruler, Miss.
MARY. [From the school steps.] Oh, please don't punish her, Molly. She doesn't mean any harm. [MOLLY and MARY talk.]
BILLY. It's your fault, Harry Jenkins, for not hiding her enough. I've got a good mind to-
HARRY. Aw-why don't you do it? Here, knock the chip off me shoulder-I dare you! [The two boys fight. SIMPLICITY grabs BILLY, while MARY LARKIN and the little girls take charge of HARRY.]
MARY. Boys! Boys! Now, come, this won't do any good. Simplicity, you go into the school now, and tell Miss Mealey you are sorry, and maybe she'll forgive you.
SIMPLICITY. I'm always saying I'm sorry I'm getting tired.
MARY. Come along. [SIMPLICITY walks toward the schoolhouse.]
BILLY. Miss Mealey, if you want to lick anyone, lick me-I don't mind.
MISS MEALEY. No! I'm not going to whip anybody to-day. [Al1 the children shout for joy .] But Simple must study her spelling the rest of the recess. [MISS MEALEY pushes SIMPLICITY into the .schoolhouse and shuts the door.]
BILLY. The boys don't mind her lickin'. She don't hurt anybody.
MARY. Billy, will you take Dick Woodbridge home? He doesn't feel well.
BILLY. Yes, ma'am, in just a minute. [He takes from his pocket the apple which SIMPLICITY has given him, looks at it, and carefully Places it in another pocket. MARY helps DICK on BILLY'S back.] Come along, Dick. Get on my back.
MARY. There! That's splendid-thank you, Billy.
BILLY. Dick, now you pretend I'm a runaway horse and you can't stop me. [He gallops off stage, all the children following and shouting after him, " Runaway horse s top him," etc.]
MARY. Come along. Now, children, let's play London Bridge!
HARRY. Aw-I don't want to play no girl's game!
BESSIE STEELE. Ain't he mean? Well, we don't want you anyway, Harry Jennings!
ALL THE GIRLS. No, we wouldn't play with you anyway, Harry Jennings!
HARRY. [Looking down the street.] Here comes the Minister. Hooray! Hooray! [All the children run to meet the MINIS TER. He comes in, surrounded by children, who continue shouting.]
MINISTER. What a flock of birds! Good morning, Miss Larkin. I'm being mobbed.
BESSIE STEELE. Let's play London Bridge is Falling Down, with the Minister and Miss Larkin.
ALL THE CHILDREN. Yes! Hurrah! The Minister and Miss Larkin!
MINISTER. Will you?
MARY. Yes, indeed. [They join hands, holding them up to make the bridge, and the children form in twos and pass under , singing . "London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down, London Bridge is falling down, my fair Lady. Take some bricks and build it up, build it up, build it up, Take some bricks and build it up, my fair Lady. Take the key and lock her up, lock her up, lock her up, Then take the key and lock her up, my fair Lady." MISS MEALEY enters , ringing recess bell to bring the children back to the schoolhouse. Then, as if looking for some truant, she sees the MINISTER and MARY holding hands.]
MISS MEALEY. [Going up to the MINISTER while MARY joins the children.] Well, when you two are through holding hands, perhaps you'll let school go on!
MINISTER. I came around to see how the singing was getting along, Miss Molly. [To MARY.) We're getting up an Old Folks Concert with the children, to build a wing to the schoolhouse.
MARY. I heard about it, but thought it was to be Mrs. Jarley's waxworks?
MINISTER. So it was, but some of the church ladies said that would be too much like a theatrical performance.
MISS MEALEY. Yes, indeed, there's some of us as don't care to demean ourselves, though I don't doubt MRS. Woodbridge was willing!
MINISTER. I wanted the wax works. Thought there'd be more fun, but it's to be a children's Old Folks Concert, and I hope they've learned their old tunes.
MISS MEALEY. They may not sing as well as your choir.
MINISTER. Look out, Miss Molly! Mrs. Woodbridge resigned this morning, and you'll have your chance again.
MISS MEALEY. [Brightening.] Don't say! I hadn't heard. Would you like to hear the children practice? We were going to, after Geography. Perhaps you'll be passing by and could stop. [Going toward the school.]
MINISTER. Well, maybe I will.
MISS MEALEY. Come on in, Mame, if Dr. Singleton can spare you. [Laughing, she goes slowly into the schoolhouse. MARY follows.]
MINISTER. MISS Larkin. [Following MARY.] I hope you are not angry with me for sending you and Mr. Woodbridge from the Parsonage yesterday?
MARY. No, no. I am not angry.
MINISTER. Will you be here after Geography, too?
MARY. Yes, I'm going to see Simplicity through her struggles with the capital of Vermont.
MINISTER. I know, she wants every State to have a Boston.
MARY. Good-by. [She blushes and goes into schoolhouse.]
MINISTER. [Follows a few steps.] No-no! Not good-by-I'm coming back.
BROWN. [From the porch.] Good morning, Minister!
MINISTER. Good morning, Mr. Brown. Lovely morning.
BROWN. I hear the billiard table come to the express office this morning.
MINISTER. Yes, I'm going to see about its being put up now.
BROWN. Look out for the women! They're dead set against it.
MINISTER. What's the matter with the women in this town?
BROWN. Oh, they're just mad because you ain't married one of them yet. You take the advice of a friend who has gone and done it, and you go over to North Adams and get one of them purty young city girls!
MINISTER. When I first came here I thought they all liked me, and were going to help me build up this place into a happy, free, broadminded community.
BROWN. You can't do it, Doctor. Not with this here generation. They says now you are too free and broad-minded, and old Deacon Steele there,-he's as bad as the women folks, He even says as how nothing can stop you, If they don't look out, you'll be additating a corner saloon.
MINISTER. Poor mistaken old man, when all I want is to make everybody here happy and contented in a good, healthy way, -and I'll do it yet, in spite of them!
BROWN. Go ahead- I'm backing you.
MINISTER. Look here, I want you to get in a stock of cards.
BROWN. Postal or visitin' - I've got 'em both.
MINISTER. No. Playing cards!
BROWN. Playin' cards? I wouldn't risk the outlay, I'd never sell 'em.
MINISTER. I'll order two packs now, for the young men's parlors.
BROWN, Well, you're goin' it purty strong! [Rising.] When the women folks hear that [Whistles.] But I'll see you through, I'll write a postal card right off to Bosting. [He goes into the store to a desk by the window, and writes' the card. The MINISTER walks up the street and meets BILLY coming down.]
MINISTER. Hello, Billy!
BILLY. Been up to your house, sir, with Dick Woodbridge. He's sorter sick.
MINISTER. Sorry to hear that. Was his mother there?
BILLY. Yes, sir, but gee, I'm late! [He runs into the school.]
MINISTER. [Following.] Tell Miss Mealey it was my fault. [MRS. STEELE enters, on her way to the store. She notices the MINISTER, turns up her nose, and flounces into the store.]
MRS. STEELE. [At the door.] Mr. Brown, is your wife here yet?
BROWN. [Who was writing at his desk by the window, comes out.] No! Didn't know she was coming!
MRS. STEELE. [On the step, looking up and down the street, and glancing at the MINISTER.] Well, she is, and that billiard table is going to be carted from the express office any minute now, if we don't prevent it!
[She goes into the store. SKILLIG enters with paste-pot and brush, posters, etc. whistling. H e commences to paste on the board one sheet.]
SKILLIG. [To BROWN.] Good m-o-r-n-i-n-g [He goes on pasting.]
BROWN. Good morning, Mr. Skillig. Doctor Singleton, I want to introduce you to Mr. Skillig. Mr. Skillig is manager of our Oprey House.
SKILLIG. How d 'ye do?
MINISTER. Glad to meet you, Mr. Skillig. Heard you'd come over to undertake the management of the Opera House.
SKILLIG. Yep! Yep! and I lead the orchestra, too.
MINISTER. Musical, too. That's good! You'll help us with the Old Folks Concert?
SKILLIG. [Vigorously pasting bill-board.] That's what I've got here in the bills. I'm billposter, too. [Still pasting.] One man in his life plays many parts.
MINISTER. An actor, too?
SKILLIG. I always thought so. [Still pasting.] But I was too darned artistic for the present public. I tried everything, from Hamlet to Vaudyville, but I never reached Saturday night in a single town. [He reads aloud.]

OLD FOLKS CONCERT
AT THE
YOUNG PEOPLE'S MEETING ROOMS
IN LOVERS' LANE
NEXT SATURDAY EVENING AT 7:30 SHARP
FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE
ADDITION TO THE SCHOOLHOUSE
Admission 25 Cents
ALL WELCOME REFRESHMENTS

BROWN. Here, Skillig, give me one of them posters, and I'll put it up in my store. [SKILLIG gives him a poster, and he goes into store.]
MINISTER. [Pointing to paper on the billboard.] It's a pity we haven't got some pictures like this Uncle Tom troupe to advertise our concert with.
SKILLIG. That was a rotten show, though. Little Eva and Eliza doubled, and Uncle Tom did the bloodhounds behind the scenes. I won't have them in my Oprey House again. [Goes on pasting.]
MINISTER. Haven't you some left-over pictures- some pretty pictures you could put up for the Concert? Something to attract the country people? W e want to make all the money we can.
SKILLIG. [Stopping to think.] Well, now, I believe I have. There was a troupe that busted last week, and had sent on some writing, C: 0. D. What was it they called themselves? Now, let me see! Oh, yes-The New York Daisies. They might do.
MINISTER. Pretty little girls?
SKILLIG. That's your figure-they was daisies!
MINISTER. Well, give us some of those.
SKILLIG. I'll go and get a couple now. [He puts down his paste bucket and brush.]
MINISTER. Good idea. Oh, Mr. Skillig! I'd like to have you come around to our house some night and have supper. My sister Mattie'd be very glad to see you.
SKILLIG. Thank you! [He goes up the street. The MINISTER starts to go out, but MARY, from the window, coughs to attract his attention.]
MINISTER. Hello! Is that Geography lesson over? [Coming up to the window.]
MARY. No, but poor Simplicity has finished. She said Boston was the largest city in the world, and she thought Vermont was a lake.
MINISTER. Poor child! Where is she? [Peers in the window.]
MARY. In the corner with her face to the wall.
MINISTER. Planning mischief, I'll be bound.
MARY. Tell me, have you been where you were going?
MINISTER. Oh, dear no! . I forgot. I'm off to see the billiard table set up in the young men's club.
MARY. [Still talking through the window.] They haven't one yet?
MINISTER. Yet? The Deacon and the Sewing Circle threaten to pull down the house if the table is set up, but I'll conquer before I get through! I'11 have the Deacon passing the time, some dull, wet evening, with an honest game, and Molly Mealey pushing the beads along to keep count. Good-by. Will you be here when I get back?
MARY. Yes. I'll be inside. Just rap three times on the ledge. Molly is awfully mad with me for playing London Bridge with you just now.
MINISTER. [Absent-mindedly.] Is she? That's good. I-I- mean - that won't do any harm.
MARY. Good-by. [Disappears from the window.]
MINISTER. Good- by. [He stands, watching the window where she was. MRS. BROWN and MRS. JENNINGS enter on their way to the store.]
MRS. BROWN and MRS. JENNINGS. [Together.] Good morning, Dr. Singleton!
MINISTER. Good morning - beautiful day!
MRS. BROWN. We're meeting at my husband's store to put down the billiard table!
MINISTER. [As they both go into the store.] Don't let me stop you. I am just going to put it up! [As the MINISTER starts to go out, he meets SKILLIG coming back.]
SKILLIG. Hold on there - hold on there I've got the pictures!
MINISTER. I can't wait - it's all right - put 'em up. I'll see you to-morrow. [He goes out.]
SKILLIG. [With 3-sheet rolls, he prepares to paste them up.] This ought to be a great "ad" for an Old Folks Concert. [As he finishes pasting, he gazes admiringly at the pictures - a flashy group of chorus girls in tights, with large hats and feathers.] Cussed shame this troupe didn't show here. Looks like a pretty good show. Calculated to wake this blessed old town up. [BROWN enters as the second sheet is pasted up.]
BROWN. [Disgusted.] Hello, Mr. Skillig! Do you think there's any room for me out o' doors?
SKILLIG. I don't own the earth, Mr. Brown. Wish I did. [He pastes up the third sheet.]
BROWN. Well, my wife and her women friends are in the store, and there's no room for me there.
What are you doing?
SKILLIG. Puttin' up bills for the Old Folks Concert. [Brown starts to read the poster. SKILLIG goes on pasting.]
MRS. BROWN. [Coming out of the store with MRS. STEELE.] Hosea, you can go back into your store, now. [MRS. JENNINGS staying on the porch.]
BROWN. Have you emptied the vinegar barrel?
MRS.STEELE. Good morning, Mr. Skillig. [She sees the poster and screams.] Oh, Mrs. Brown and Mrs. Jennings! Look!
MRS. BROWN. Good gracious!
MRS. JENNINGS. [Rushing from the porch.] What is it - what is it?
MRS. BROWN. Don't look, Mrs. Jennings! Don't look!
MRS. JENNINGS. I guess I do look - you have! [Looks at the posters.] Sakes alive!
SKILLIG. What's the matter? [Turning to BROWN.] Be they jealous? [BROWN is shaking with laughter.]
MRS. BROWN. Give me that brush! [She struggles for the brush - and gets it.] Give me one of those white sheets. [She picks it 'up and pastes it excitedly over part of one of the pictures. ] You come near enough to see this picture and I'11 paste a bill on you! [To SKILLIG.] And now you paste it all over, or I'LL tear it off, or I'll have you arrested.
SKILLIG. It was the Minister told me to put it there.
MRS. BROWN. What!
MRS. STEELE. The Minister!
MRS. JENNINGS. A nice man to have guiding our young, and ruling in our midst!
MRS. BROWN. [Showing postal card.] And what do you think I just found on my husband's counter?
MRS. STEELE. To a woman?
MRS. BROWN. No, but most as bad. To Bosting for playing cards! [Tears the postal card in half, and throws it away.]
MRS. STEELE. As for them indecent pictures, the Deacon will attend to them.
MRS. JENNINGS. And the billiard table!
MRS. BROWN. Let that be for the present, and come back now to Miss Canning's. Putting Mrs.
Woodbridge out of the chair ain't enough; we must put that scandalous orphan -Simplicity -of his, out of that school! I ain't agoin' to have her ruining of my boy's character.
MRS. STEELE. She's a bad influence, that's what she is, and we'll show Dr. Singleton who is boss of this town .
MRS. BROWN. We women folks! We'll settle it at Miss Canning's. [The three women go out talking excitedly. As they go, SKILLIG picks up the postal card pastes it together with paper, and then mails it in the letter-box, whistling, " There'll be a hot time in the old town to-night." The MINISTER re-enters.]
MINISTER. [Calling.] Mr. Brown! Mr. Brown!
BROWN. [Coming back.] Yes, sir.
MINISTER. I got it up.
BROWN. What?
MINISTER. The billiard table.
BROWN. Good! But I say -
MINISTER. Can't stop now. You must excuse me. I have an engagement. [The MINISTER goes toward the window of the school. BROWN goes into the store. The MINISTER taps three times on the window-ledge. MARY appears at the window.] Sorry I was so long.
MARY. Why, it wasn't long. You've only been gone ten minutes.
MINISTER. Jupiter! I thought it was about an hour and a half.
MARY. I thought perhaps you'd met Herbert - Mr. Woodbridge.
MINISTER. I did - and his sister, Mrs. Lane. She thinks I was wrong yesterday. I wonder if I was.
MARY. What did Herbert say?
MINISTER. I only talked with Mrs. Lane. There are other ministers to go to, you know.
MARY. I won't be married by anybody except you.
MINISTER. Do you know , Miss Larkin, I wish you lived here!
MARY. So do I.
MINISTER. Then, why don't you come and live with us? Oh, dear, I don't suppose that would do- Besides, we haven't any room. I don't. know as I would exactly blame Mr. Woodbridge for hating me.
MARY. Why should anyone hate you?
MINISTER. Dear me! Then you must blame a lot of women in this town. I find myself getting very unpopular. What do you wear on that ribbon around your neck?
MARY. I don't like to tell.
MINISTER. Why not?
MARY. It's something I want to give you. It's the real reason I came to town to-day. But I can't give it to you here - someone might see me. I'll bring it to the Parsonage.
MINISTER. I don't see how I can wait till then to know what it is.
MARY. [Laughing.] I'm afraid you'll have to.
MINISTER. [Taking her hand.] Isn't it funny how much prettier your hand is than Mattie's?
MARY. [Blushing and drawing her hand away.] Is it?
MINISTER. And prettier'n Aunt Melissy's or Mrs. Brown's or Miss Mealey's and even Simple's. Prettier even than Simple's when it's clean. It is on special occasions.
MARY. Oh, you're a flatterer, Mr. Singleton! [The children's voices are heard inside, trying to sing the "Swing and Cricket" song, with the organ.]
MINISTER. And I bet Molly Mealey didn't tell you so.
MARY. I forgot. They're practicing now for you.
MINISTER. Ought I come in?
MARY. No, they want to come out here and surprise you.
MINISTER. Surprise me?
MARY. Sh! Yes! Don't say I told you, but they're dressed up in the old-fashioned clothes they're going to wear, and when they know you are here, they are going to march out and surprise you. I must tell Molly you've come.
MINISTER. No, don't tell her yet.
MARY. Why not?
MINISTER. [Absent-mindedly.] Oh, I don't know. I just thought that you and I might go on talking for a couple of hours.
MARY. Oh, no, there isn't time. I must tell them! Besides, Molly's awfully mad at me still. She says I needn't come over here to see her. that it's only a blind to see you. [Laughing.] Isn't she silly?
MINISTER. Yes, I suppose she is.
MARY. Good-by. [She vanishes from the window.]
MINISTER. [Absent-mindedly, turning from window.] Yes, siree! It's the prettiest hand I ever saw.
MARY. [Comes out of the schoolhouse door and speaks to him, as if they hadn't been speaking before.] How do you do, Dr. Singleton.
MINISTER. Glad to see you again, Miss Larkin. [MISS MEALEY appears at the schoolhouse door.]
MISS MEALEY. Oh, that's what you were doing at the window, Mame Larkin? Talking to the Minister. I'll thank you not to make my schoolhouse your rendezvous.
MARY. Molly!
MISS MEALEY. I'm not playing gooseberry to anyone. If you want to carry on with the Minister, you'd better do it in your own home!
MINISTER. Miss Mealey! Miss Mealey! [The children run out from the schoolhouse, dressed for the Old Folks Concert, singing "Old Dog Tray." They form a grape-arbor by joining hands across the stage. The first couple stop in front of the steps and join hands. The next couple pass under and do likewise, until all form the grape-arbor. The fat boy, passing through last, stops a second and watches the children. The last couple through start back single file through the arbor and circle round the MINISTER, all running off through the schoolhouse. The fat boy, with his hand on the shoulder of the last boy on the line, slyly peeps at the pastor until he reaches the steps, when he falls into schoolhouse. As the children go out, MRS. BROWN, DEACON STEELE, MRS. STEELE, and MRS. JENNINGS come on.]
MRS. BROWN. There, Deacon, that's it! That's the scandalous thing, and the Minister chose it!
STEELE. And in front of Molly Mealey's school. [To MISS MEALEY.] Keep the children in school.
MINISTER. [Now looking at the bill-board for the first lime.] Jupiter! Is that Skillig's idea of a daisy? The old man's made a mistake. This won't do!
STEELE. No, siree, it won't do!
MRS. BROWN. And lots more things won't do.
MRS. STEELE. The billiard table's up. We'll get it down if we have to saw its limbs off!
MISS MEALEY. Oh, the Minister has other games. He can always play London Bridge with East Eddysville girls.
MRS. BROWN. [To STEELE.] Go on - Simplicity-
STEELE. Molly, is it true what the ladies have been telling me, that Simplicity Johnson is the most punished child in your school?
MISS MEALEY. Yes, Deacon, that's true.
MINISTER. Poor Simple!
MRS. BROWN. And she deserves it, Molly.
MISS MEALEY. More than she gets.
MINISTER. I doubt that.
MRS. BROWN. I beg pardon, Dr. Singleton, but just now we're in the pulpit.
MINISTER. Then Heaven help your congregation!
STEELE. Mrs. Brown says as Simplicity lies.
MISS MEALEY. She does.
MINISTER. Be careful, Miss Mealey. You '11 have to prove everything you say.
MRS. BROWN. And Mrs. Jennings says she steals - took marbles from her boy.
MINISTER. Simple!
MISS MEALEY. Shouldn't be surprised.
MRS. BROWN. And Mrs. Steele says [Mumbles on until STEELE interrupts.]
STEELE. Let me do the talking, Mrs. Brown. [To MINISTER.] Mrs. Steele, than whom there ain't no more trustful woman, allows that this child is a menace to the young of this town.
MINISTER. Huh!
MRS. BROWN. Yes, indeed. She's a bad example- that's what she is. And out she's got to git!
STEELE. [To MISS MEALEY.] Molly, fetch her here.
MISS MEALEY. [Calling SIMPLICITY from the school.] Simplicity! [SIMPLIC1TY comes in.]
MRS. BROWN. Simplicity Johnson, you're expelled from this school.
SIMPLICITY. I'm glad of it!
MRS. BROWN. Oh, you are!
MRS. STEELE. What impudence!
MRS. JENNINGS. Well, I never!
STEELE. But that ain't all.
MRS. BROWN. No, siree, it's only the beginning. You're going to be sent, Miss, to the Massachusetts State House of Correction.
MINISTER. What!
MARY. No!
MISS MEALEY. Oh, of course, Miss Larkin would take the Minister's side.
MINISTER. But that's as good as sending her to jail.
SIMPLICITY. Jail! [She screams, throwing herself on the ground in front of the MINISTER.] No, no, Pops! Don't let 'em send me! Don't let 'em send me to jail!
MINISTER. [Lifting her.] N ever mind, Simple, don't worry. [He embraces her. The others are horrified.]
STEELE. The child is expelled.
MINISTER; And I say she isn't. Who expelled her?
MISS MEALEY. I do.
MINISTER. You? You haven't the right.
MRS. BROWN. Then, Molly Mealey, you resign.
MISS MEALEY. I do! I resign the school this minute.
MINISTER. Good! You witness that, Mr. Brown. She resigns.
BROWN. Yes, siree, Minister. I witness it.
MRS. BROWN. [Who nods knowingly to MISS MEALEY.] And now you have no teacher in the town!
ALL. Ugh-huh!
MINISTER. MISS Larkin, I know you don't need our little salary, but you said you'd like to live in this town, and I'd like to have you. Will you accept the vacant post of teacher of this school?
MARY. Yes, Dr. Singleton.
MINISTER. Thank you. Come in and let me introduce you to the scholars.
[MARY and MINISTER go into the schoolhouse and close the door. I n surprise the four women follow, and look in through the window. On seeing the new teacher, cheering from the children is heard, as

THE CURTAIN FALLS

ACT III

SCENE : The orchard back of the MINISTER'S house. A covered porch opens out into the garden. It is an Autumn day;. the ground is strewn with fallen leaves. There is an apple tree with apples on it, and under it a bench. The MINISTER'S house is to the Left. On the Right, a little path leads up-hill through trees, to a gate. A golden Autumn light pervades everywhere. UNCLE BILL and AUNT MELISSY are discovered sitting on a bench under the apple tree. SIMPLICITY is in the tree, watching them from above.

AUNT MELISSY. I'm sure, Mr. Bill, it's a long time since I've thought of such a thing as marriage and giving in marriage.
UNCLE BILL. I ain't sot much store on it.
AUNT MELISSY. [Holding her hand to her ear.] H-a-y-ee?
UNCLE BILL. I say I ain't sot much store on it myself for the last forty years.
AUNT MELISSY. But I must say it's a bit comfortin ' to an old body like me to hear as there's someone cares enough for her to want her to change her name.
UNCLE BILL. Then you think, Melissy dear, you kin trust your life to me? [SIMPLICITY drops autumn leaves on them from above.] I guess the wind's raisin'.
AUNT MELISSY. And you'd never let me die in the poorhouse, would you, Mr. Bill?
UNCLE BILL. No, siree, Melissa.
AUNT MELISSY. Ha-a-ye-?
[SIMPLICITY drops more leaves on them.]
UNCLE BILL. [Looking up.] Sort o' spasmotic breezes ever' now and then- hope 'tain't goin ' ter rain.
AUNT MELISSY. It will be more convenient for the Minister, too, havin' us married, Mr. William.
UNCLE BILL. Yes, it'll give him an extra room.
AUNT MELISSY. H-a-y-e-?
UNCLE BILL. [Louder.] I say it'll give him an extra room for Mis' Woodbridge. That's one reason made me ask yer to-day. Thought as how we wus getting sort o' cramped fur room, in the Parsonage.
AUNT MELISSY. You mustn't say we wus, if I am going to be Mrs. Walters. I'll have to teach you grammar, Mr. William.
UNCLE BILL. Then it's all settled, is it, Melissy? [SIMPLICITY drops an apple on UNCLE
BILL'S head. He picks up the apple.] We're goin' ter have an all-fired early apple crop. Hev this one with me, Melissy. I've heard tell of them heathen gods gave Venus a gold apple cas she was a pretty girl.
AUNT MELISSY. H-a-y-e?
UNCLE BILL. I say I've heard tell of one of them heathen gods gave Venus a gold apple cas she was a pretty gal.
AUNT MELISSY. Now, go 'long, Mr. Bill, I'm not a pretty girl.
UNCLE BILL. I didn't say ye wus; I said Venus wus a pretty gal.
AUNT MELISSY. Oh! Yer mustn't talk 'bout Venus until we're married. Come, let us ask the Minister.
[They start to go to the house as BRIDGET and MR. BROWN come out.]
BRIDGET. You'll find him in the orchard. [BRIDGET goes in again.]
BROWN. Hello - Uncle Bill - is the Minister here?
UNCLE BILL. No, sir, he's to Miss Canning's. Kin we do anythin' fur yer?
BROWN. Well, I dunno. I've come to warn the Minister, in a friendly way, there's trouble brewing in the church. How is he to-day? He's behaved sort o' absent-minded and curious-like the last few days.
AUNT MELISSY. [To BROWN.] The Minister was all put out by the singing in the church Sunday. Said he missed the inspiration of Mis' Woodbridge's voice.
BROWN. Ah, he owned up, did he? That was a mistake. Well, the trouble is, most of the congregation take a different view and sez it made 'em feel real comfortable hearing Molly Mealey getting off the key again in the same old place.
AUNT MELISSY. H-a-y-e?
BROWN. Made 'em feel sort o' comfortable hearing Molly Mealey getting off the key again in the same old place.
AUNT MELISSY. O-h!
BROWN. [To UNCLE BILL.] Mis' Woodbridge settlin' down here ter stay?
UNCLE BILL. She's come fer good. I guess - anyway fer a long spell. Her boy was took sick yesterday.
BROWN. That's too bad! Things are going against the Minister. They're all saying he give 'em an old sermon last Sunday.
UNCLE BILL. He had a new one begun- a scorcher - I guess. About whether there's a Purgatory or not.
BROWN. That's just what they wanted. He ought to have given it to 'em hot.
UNCLE BILL. I think he took the side of there being no actual place of the kind.
BROWN. There you have it! Just goin' contrary to the folks' wishes. The people are scandalized by his taking Mis' Woodbridge in. Tell the Minister I've come to tell him there's a private meeting of the Council will be held pretty soon, and I'd advise him, as a friend, to happen in, and if he can say as Mis' Woodbridge has gone to the City on the 5: 30 P.M. train, it'd be the best thing fur him. [During this speech, AUNT MELISSY edges over to BROWN, listening.]
AUNT MELISSY. H-a-y-e?
BROWN. Oh, dog-gon-it - you tell her! [Walking up and down. ]
UNCLE BILL. Mis' Woodbridge's going to the City on the 5: 30 train.
SIMPLICITY. [From the tree.] Hello, Mr: Brown.
BROWN. Hey? What?
UNCLE BILL. [Surprised, looking about.] It's Simplicity.
BROWN. [Also looking about.] Where is she?
SIMPLICITY: [In the tree.] Here I am, up in the tree.
BROWN. Oh, I thought you weren't allowed to climb the tree?
SIMPLICITY. [Eating an apple.] I'm not, by Miss Mattie, but Pop lets me.
BROWN. There, that's just what everyone says - he lets the child do as she pleases.
UNCLE BILL: They'd better not talk to me about the Minister! I can tell yer that I haven't been ringing the bell there for twenty years with this arm,without putting some muscle into it. Who bought the bell and give it ter the church? Why, the Minister .
AUNT MELISSY. [Who hasn't heard correctly.] Yes, indeed, I was a great belle in my day. [BROWN looks disgusted and walks away.]
UNCLE BILL. We're talking about the church bell the Minister gave. The ding, ding, ding dong bell.
AUNT MELISSY. Oh, yes, indeed, and he just the same as give the church itself. When he first came here, he started right in by lifting the mortgage of three thousand dollars out of his own pocket.
SIMPLICITY. Yes, siree, and I heard every word you said, Mr: Brown, and I can tell you one thing, - Pops will do what's right in spite of all the Councils in creation.
BROWN. But Simplicity, the Minister'd better humor the Council. It's for them to decide who's to be in their pulpit.
SIMPLICITY. I don't care who decides what. I'll bet on Pops every time.
BROWN. Well, I'm his friend, too. I'm going ter do all I kin. [Goes out through the gate.]
SIMPLICITY. Uncle Bill, I'm awful glad you and Aunt Melissy are going to be married, but you'd better break it to Miss Mattie first. Pops will be tickled to death, but Mattie will throw a fit.
AUNT MELISSY. [To UNCLE BILL.] H-a-y-e? What did she say?
UNCLE BILL. She's offering us her congratulations.
AUNT MELISSY. Thank you, Simplicity.
SIMPLICITY. Aunt Melissy, I'll be your bridesmaid.
AUNT MELISSY. H-a-y-e? What did she say?
UNCLE BILL. She says she wishes she was going ter be married.
AUNT MELISSY. There's plenty of time for you, Simplicity, plenty of time for you.
SIMPLICITY. Uncle Bill, ain't you ashamed of yerself, sparkin' the girls at your age?
UNCLE BILL. What's age got to do with it?
AUNT MELISSY. H-a-y-e?- What did she say?
UNCLE BILL. She said you look twenty years younger than yer did yesterday. [They go into the house laughing.]
SIMPLICITY. [Still from the tree.] I don't want ter marry anyone in the world but Pops - I'm goin' to wait until I'm grown up fer him. The trouble is, I'm afraid I'll never be good enough. [The MINISTER has entered through the gate and is going towards the house. SIMPLICITY throws an apple and hits the MINISTER. ]
MINISTER. Hello, is that you, Simple?
SIMPLICITY. Yep. Come along up.
MINISTER. I climb into that tree? Why, what would Mattie say?
SIMPLICITY. She wouldn't care unless you tore your pants. Come along up.
MINISTER. No, you come down - come on or you'll get into trouble. Look at all the trouble one woman got us into by fooling with an apple tree. [The MINISTER takes his hat off and lays it on the bench, going up to the tree. He coaxes SIMPLICITY to come down.]
MINISTER. Come on down - come on down.
SIMPLICITY. No, not unless you come up after me first.
MINISTER. We'll see if you won't! [The MINISTER, reaching up to her, catches her - trying to pull her down by the ankles. SIMPLICITY kicks and laughs.]
SIMPLICITY. Pops, you tickle me!
MINISTER. Come down, then. I'll paddywhack you - that's what I'll do, if you don't.
SIMPLICITY. I'm not afraid. Ouch!
MINISTER. Are you coming?
SIMPLICITY. No - ouch!
MINISTER. Yes you are, too. [SIMPLICITY loses her hold. She slides down from the tree, and her dress catches on a snag as the MINISTER helps her down.]
SIMPLICITY. Oh, did you hear that?
MINISTER. Did it tear?
SIMPLICITY. Yes, and you did it too, Pops!
MINISTER. By Jupiter - what'll Mattie say?
SIMPLICITY. [Trying to fix tear.] She walloped me yesterday fer doin' it, with her hair brush.
MINISTER. Try and keep out of sight until after prayers again. She didn't punish you the other night, did she?
SIMPLICITY. No, of course not, after the chapter you read, Pops. I thought it was awful good of you to choose one about being patient with transgressors. [She takes an apple out of her waist, and bites it.]
MINISTER. I wasn't thinking of you, Simple. I read that for Mrs. Woodbridge.
SIMPLICITY. [Throwing down apple.] Say, Pops, you've got to stop that. Mr. Brown has just been here ter say so.
MINISTER. Mr. Brown? To say what?
SIMPLICITY. He says the church people are mad as hornets at you.
MINISTER. Mad at me? Why?
SIMPLICITY. 'Cause you let MRS. Woodbridge come and live with us.
MINISTER. What business is that of theirs?
SIMPLICITY. There's a meeting of the Council this afternoon.
MINISTER. [Angry.] What? A church meeting without me?
SIMPLICITY. That's it, Pops. Get mad at them - don't you be afraid!
MINISTER. Did he say anything else?
SIMPLICITY. Yes. Lots! They all liked Miss Mealey's singing. [Giggling.]
MINISTER. [Laughing.] No? Did he say that, Simple? [Laughs.] Oh, that's too good. [The MINISTER and SIMPLICITY both laugh.]
SIMPLICITY. And you preached an old sermon day before yesterday.
MINISTER. Well, I did - I did. I couldn't get Mary Larkin's face out of my eyes long enough to write.
SIMPLICITY. And Mrs. Woodbridge? Oh, they're mad - you took her in.
MINISTER. Poor woman! They'd hound her out of the village if they could.
SIMPLICITY. That's what he said, Pops. It'd be good for you if you could happen in at the meeting and say that Mrs. Woodbridge was going to the City on the 5: 30 train. [MATTIE enters from house.]
MINISTER. [Angry.] I'll happen into the meeting and tell them she won't do any such thing.
MATTIE. [On the steps.] What, Tom?
MINISTER. Why, there's trouble in the church over Mrs. Woodbridge. They've driven her out of the choir and out of her home, and now they want to drive her out of the Parsonage.
MATTIE. [Coming down.] Well, I'd like to see them do it.
SIMPLICITY. Bully for you! [Running to MATTIE and taking her hand.]
MATTIE. [Looking at SIMPLICITY'S hands.] For goodness sake, go and wash your hands they're filthy! [SIMPLICITY goes, but sits down on the steps.]
MINISTER. She shall stay with me as long as she wants to. The Parsonage belongs to me. I'm going to give it to the church, but I haven't yet.
MATTIE. But Tom, dear, the church isn't yours.
MINISTER. What do you mean, Mattie?
MATTIE. The Council have the power to put you out of the church for good.
MINISTER. Put me out? Put me - why, Mattie - how could you ever think of such a thing - me?
MATTIE. Well, suppose that you didn't satisfy them?
MINISTER. Didn't satisfy them? What do they want? I've given them most of my money and all of my time. Why, the bell in that little square tower over there has never rung out once, in all these fifteen years for service, without our gate latching behind me before the third stroke.
MATTIE. Don't I know that, Tom, dear?
MINISTER. They'd never ask me to resign. Why, they couldn't do a cruel thing like that! They can't help knowing that my heart and soul are mortared up in those red brick walls - Why, Mattie - Mattie - how could you? [He goes over to the bench and sits down.]
MATTIE. Good gracious, Tom, I didn't want to make you feel this bad -
MINISTER. Oh, well, I guess Simple has been exaggerating a little.
MATTIE. Simple! Now I wish I'd punished her last night for tearing her dress again. Perhaps I will, anyway, when I go in. [SIMPLICITY, who has been listening, runs into the house.]
MINISTER. How's little Dick?
MATTIE. 'Bout the same - fever high, but the Doctor says there's no danger. But that isn't my news! It's Aunt Melissy.
MINISTER. [Rising.] Not dead?
MATTIE. [Laughing.] No - worse - married!
MINISTER. Married? [Laughing incredulously.]
MATTIE. She and Uncle Bill want your consent.
MINISTER. Jupiter I What did you tell them?
MATTIE. Never was so stunned in my life! I was speechless!
MINISTER. Speechless! I guess it was for the first time, Mattie.
MATTIE. Well, I'd like to know where you'd be if it wa'n't for my tongue?
MINISTER. Crowded out of existence long ago. I'll tell you how to let Aunt Melissy know my answer. You know those worsted slippers Molly Mealey gave me the other day?
MATTIE. Yes, I put them in the Missionary Church along with the others.
MINISTER. Well, take them to Aunt Melissy, and say I sent them to her to give to Uncle Bill.
[Enter BRIDGET from the house with broom and dust cap, her dress pinned up.
BRIDGET. If yer plaze, there's such a foine lady ter see ye. With kid gloves and parasol and voice like a Frinch novel. Calls her self Mrs. Lane.
MATTIE. Good gracious! And the parlor furniture's got covers on, and the mosquito netting's all over the chandelier! [MATTIE hurries into the house.]
MINISTER. [Pauses.] Let her come here.
BRIDGET. [Pause.] And MRS. Brown and her two gabby friends is here to see Mattie. [MRS. LANE enters from the house.]
MRS. LANE. Good afternoon, Doctor. [BRIDGET goes into the house.]
MINISTER. Good day. To what am I indebted for this pleasure?
MRS. LANE. As my brother, Mr. Woodbridge, acknowledged, he failed to accomplish anything with you yesterday. I have come to appeal to the woman who was his wife and left him. Mrs. Woodbridge is staying at the Parsonage, I believe?
MINISTER. That is true.
MRS. LANE. Is she at home?
MINISTER. She is.
MRS. LANE. I have asked for you lest you should think I were doing something under handed. I presume I ma y see her .
MINISTER. If she has no objection. [MRS. BROWN, MOLLY MEALEY and MRS. STEELE enter, all coming from the house and talking rapidly.]
ALL. Good afternoon, Minister.
MINISTER. Good afternoon. [On seeing the women, MRS. LANE looks irritated.] Mrs. Brown, this is Mrs. Lane from New York. Mrs. Brown is the head woman of our church.
MRS. BROWN. [Comes forward to greet MRS. LANE.] Pleased to meet you. [Turns up her nose.]
MRS. LANE. [Drawing aside coldly.] How do you do?
MINISTER. MISS Molly Mealey, the alto in our choir. You'd hear her sing a solo if you came to church.
MISS MEALEY. [Comes forward giggling.] How do you do?
MRS. LANE. [Drawing aside coldly.] How do you do, Miss Mealey?
MINISTER. MRS. Steele bakes the best bread in the whole town. We couldn't give a church sociable without her.
MRS. STEELE. [Eyeing her critically, comes forward and says roughly. ] Howde-do? [The three women move away.]
MRS. LANE. [Walks to the steps of the house. She turns to the MINISTER.] Good afternoon, Doctor. I was to meet my brother here. If he comes after I have gone, will you be kind enough to say that I have returned to the hotel? Ladies - good afternoon. [Goes into the house. The three ladies watch her.]
MRS. BROWN. Such airs!
MISS MEALEY. [To MRS. BROWN.] I never saw such manners!
MINISTER. You see she comes from the City - she doesn't know any better.
MRS. STEELE. Y-e-s! [The three gossip, and all laugh patronizingly and look at each other.]
MRS. BROWN. Is she staying at the Parsonage?
MINISTER. Oh, no.
MISS MEALEY. W e thought she might be visiting Mrs. Woodbridge. She is staying at the Parsonage, we believe, for good now.
MINISTER. Yes, she and her little boy, who is ill.
MISS MEALEY. So Miss Mattie told us. We've just been to see her-
MRS. BROWN. Being a Committee of the Sewing Circle-
MISS MEALEY. Which was ter meet here to-morrow at the Parsonage-
MRS. STEELE. Y -e-s.
MINISTER. Isn't Mattie willing? You Just leave her to me.
MRS. BROWN. It's the ladies of the Sewing Circle who ain't willing, Mr. Minister.
MISS MEALEY. Whom we represent -
MRS. STEELE. Y-e-s!
MRS. BROWN. If Mrs. Woodbridge is in the Parsonage, the ladies won't come.
MISS MEALEY. We gave Miss Mattie her choice.
MRS. BROWN. And she chose Mrs. Wood bridge.
MINISTER. Bully for Mattie!
MISS MEALEY. Hem! and we are now on our way to the Sunday-school room to report. [They start toward the gate.]
MRS. BROWN. To the Council that's in session there, and who are waiting to hear the result of our visit.
MRS. STEELE. [To the MINISTER.] Y -e-s.
MINISTER. You'd better not keep them waiting.
MRS. BROWN. Doctor, perhaps you wouldn't indorse Miss Mattie's decision.
MINISTER. Wouldn't I? All I want is the chance.
MRS. BROWN. That settles it. [Goes through the gate.]
MRS. STEELE. Y -e-s. [She rushes out of gate, and joins MRS. BROWN.]
MISS MEALEY. [Inside gate, half crying.] Are congratulations in order, Minister?
MINISTER. Yes, for Aunt Melissy and Uncle Bill.
MISS MEALEY. [At the gate.] I ain't joking, Minister. I think you'd better give me back those slippers I embroidered.
MINISTER. [Recollects.] By Jupiter - it's too late now - I've given them to Uncle Bill!
MISS MEALEY. [Half crying.] How dared you? [Going down the lane and out of sight, calling "Lizzie - Lizzie." HERBERT WOODBRIDGE enters.]
HERBERT. Has my sister gone?
MINISTER. Yes, to the hotel.
HERBERT. Well, what are you going to do for me?
MINISTER. Nothing. You won't let me do anything for you.
HERBERT. Try me and see.
MINISTER. Well, will you promise me to give up a life you can't afford- to give up drinking if you can't help getting drunk, and to try and live a life that will be an honor for Miss Larkin to share-
HERBERT. And if I won't promise all that?
MINISTER. Then I must use my influence, if I have any, against you.
HERBERT, You've got a lot of influence. That's the curse of it! I'11 tell you what it is - I believe you are in love with her.
MINISTER. I?
HERBERT. Yes. Why did you take such an interest in her, and why did you give her a ring off your own hand, and one that you were evidently pretty fond of, too? And why have you got her over here to teach school? Of course you're in love with her! I want to know if you think it's an honest thing for you to take a man's wife away from him at the very moment of his marriage!
MINISTER. Look here, young man, do you know who you're talking to?
HERBERT. Yes, I do - I'm talking to the Minister whom I asked to marry me, and who , instead of doing so, is amusing himself by casting slurs on my character. A caddish thing to do!
MINISTER. Cad! You'd better take that back.
HERBERT. No, I won't. It was an underhand thing to do. [Makes a motion to strike the MINISTER.]
MINISTER. [Holding off at arm's length.] Look out! Preaching isn't the only thing I can do. I'm the captain of our ball nine, and the Congregationalists didn't knock out the Methodists last Spring for nothing. I can use my fists. [HERBERT strikes viciously at the MINISTER.]
HERBERT. Use them! [The MINISTER, catching HERBERT'S arm, prevents the blow. He holds him fast. A tense pause. Then he lets go.]
MINISTER. I'm only afraid I will.
HERBERT. Afraid you will?
MINISTER. Yes, I'm afraid I'll forget I'm a Minister, as you forgot that you were a gentleman.
HERBERT. [Shamed, turns from MINISTER.] I beg your pardon - I did forget myself.
MINISTER. Why, you've no muscle! If you'd been half as ready to fight the Evil One as you are to pitch into me, you'd get more strength of one kind, anyway.
HERBERT. You're right - I beg your pardon - it is I who am the cad. [Walks over to the tree.]
MINISTER. [Whose eyes follow HERBERT.] Now, that acknowledgment makes me respect you more than anything else you've said or done.
HERBERT. [Turning to him.] How's that?
MINISTER. Because there's hope for a man who can see he's been wrong and acknowledges it. You didn't behave right to your wife and boy, did you?
HERBERT. No, I didn't, and I'm sorry for it, too. A year ago I wanted to go to Lucy and ask her to try me again, but my sister told me I'd be a fool. I had a feeling I'd like to see the boy. I used to wonder how he looked. I could only remember him as such a little chap.
MINISTER. [With his hands on HERBERT'S shoulders.] Look here, there's good in you.
HERBERT. Not much, I guess.
MINISTER. Yes, there is. Will you give me your promise to try for the next six months to do without those things which would keep Mary Miss Larkin - from being happy?
HERBERT. I'll try my best.
MINISTER. You'll promise?
HERBERT. [Going up to the MINISTER and shaking hands.] I'll promise.
MINISTER. Good HERBERT. In six months I'll come back and ask for Mary -
MINISTER. And I'll give her to you.
HERBERT. I shan't write to her, though, nor let her write to me. I'll tell her to-day, and say good-by .
MINISTER. You'll find her at the schoolhouse. [HERBERT goes toward the gate, and gets to the tree as MRS. W OODBRIDGE appears on the porch, coming from the house.]
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. [Coming down.] Doctor, MRS. Lane has asked me to- [She notices HERBERT.] . She told me you were alone, Doctor.
HERBERT. [Turns, at sound of voice, sees MRS. WOODBRIDGE, and starts.] I am just saying good-by -
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. Wait! [HERBERT stops.] It would, perhaps, be as well for you to hear what I have to say , that you may assure your sister I kept my word to her. [To the MINISTER.] His sister wishes me to tell you - what I believe to be true - that her brother loves me dearly - that he never ill-treated me, and as I believe I said to you the other day, I think he is capable of better things.
HERBERT. Lucy - you are too generous to me.
MRS. W OODBRIDGE. I am trying to be just - I confess that at such a time as this- [With emotion.] My heart feels tender towards my boy's father.
HERBERT. What do you mean?
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. [With a sob in her voice.] I mean he is very ill. [Turning toward the house.]
HERBERT. Ill? Dick! I should like to see him!
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. [Coming back.] What!
HERBERT. [Pleading.] How I should like to see him!
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. No!
HERBERT. [Following her.] Yes - let me see him.
MRS. W OODBRIDGE. NO - you shall not!
HERBERT. [Determined.] He is my son! I will! [He starts to go. She stops him.]
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. You shall not! I have spoken in your behalf for another woman, but I will not share the love of my child with her husband - he belongs only to me! [There is a pause. HERBERT bows his head and goes out through the gate.]
MINISTER. [To MRS. WOODBRIDGE.] My poor woman!
MRS. WOODBRIDGE. Oh, I am tired out - I didn't know what I was saying! I don't know what you think of me - but I love him in spite of everything - with all my heart!
MINISTER. There, there, come and take a walk under the trees. It will do you good. I'll go a little way with you. [They go out. AUNT MELISSY enters from the house, followed by UNCLE BILL, arguing.]
AUNT MELISSY. No - I don't want anything more to do with you!
UNCLE BILL. Look here, Melissy, don't break it off like that, so sudden-like.
AUNT MELISSY. Yes, I must. I couldn't look forward to a life of bickering and quarrelling like this UNCLE BILL. But if you'd only just let my grammar alone, Melissy - we'd be all right.
AUNT MELISSY. Yes, but your grammar wouldn't be. I hate to say it to you, Mr. Bill, especially in anger, but you must know that some people consider it a misalliance for me to marry you anyway.
UNCLE BILL. What's that, Melissy?
AUNT MELISSY. Marrying beneath my social station. [UNCLE BILL tries to interrupt.] Not that I think it, goodness knows!
UNCLE BILL. Well, then, why not shake hands, kiss and make up!
AUNT MELISSY. [Puts her hands to her ears and says:] H-a-y-e?
UNCLE BILL. I say why not shake hands, and kiss and make up. [AUNT MELISSY turns away from UNCLE BILL.]
AUNT MELISSY. No, I can't forget your spirit when I corrected your grammar.
UNCLE BILL. But you did it five times to once, Melissy .
AUNT MELISSY. Well, you oughtn't have given me the chance.
UNCLE BILL. All right, then - if it's all over - it's over. I did lose my temper, but I'm likely to do it again. I guess it's better so. But I can't keep these here. [Handing her one slipper which he takes from under his vest.] You'll have to take yer present back. [Handing her the other slipper.] Perhaps you'll find somebody else that they'll fit, whose tongue will fit the English language better- [AUNT MELISSY goes toward the gate. UNCLE BILL watches her until she gets to the gate. Following.] Where be yer goin', Miss Melissy?
AUNT MELISSY. H-a-y-e?
UNCLE BILL. I say where be yer goin'?
AUNT MELISSY. [At the gate.] I'm going down Lovers' Lane to think. Hope it'll do me some good. And you needn't wait to take me home after .the meeting, Mr. Bill, 'cause I don't want yer! [Goes off down the lane.]
UNCLE BILL. [In thought at the foot of the steps of house.] I know what I'll do - I'll go and buy one of them spelling grammars first thing in the morning. [Goes into the house.]
SIMPLICITY. [Rushes out from the house, carrying a milk-pail, MARY LARKIN following her. SIMPLICITY calls.] Pops! [The MINISTER comes from orchard.] Pops, here's Miss Larkin come to see you - says she brought something of yours back.
MINISTER. How do you do, Miss Larkin?
MARY. How do you do, Doctor Singleton?
MINISTER. Where are you going, Simple?
SIMPLICITY. Oh, you needn't hint, Pops. I know two's company and three ain't allowed, but I couldn't stay if I wanted. Aunt Mattie found a tear in my dress, and is making me milk the cow for punishment.
MINISTER. I guess you've worn out Aunt Mattie's patience.
SIMPLICITY. Well, the next thing I wear out will be that cow. [Calling back from the gate.] I guess she'll wish she'd never been born, before I get through milking her.
MINISTER. Simple, don't forget you're a member of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.
SIMPLICITY. [Running down to the MINISTER.] Pops, when Miss Mattie gave me that there order, I temporarily resigned and stuck my badge on Bridget! Pops, I won't do a thing to that cow! [Runs out.]
MINISTER. Don't you like Simple?
MARY. [Coming down from the porch.] Yes, of course I do.
MINISTER. She's an orphan. Nobody could understand her- thought she was bad. She was in three asylums in two months, and after a while there wasn't one in the State that would have her-she's so sensitive, it hurts her feelings. I took her to live in the Parsonage, and now couldn't get along without her.
MARY. [Going over to the bench under the tree.] Doctor, were you ever unkind to anybody?
MINISTER. [Following MARY.] I am afraid I was not as kind to Mr. Woodbridge on Saturday as I ought to have been.
MARY. Oh, that reminds me why I came - I am afraid you thought it very odd of me coming over here so often - now own up, didn't you, Doctor?
MINISTER. No, I don't know as I thought anything. I was just enjoying it without thinking-
MARY. Oh, Doctor, may I have an apple?
MINISTER. Yes, indeed, you must excuse me for not offering you one before. [Looking up the tree, he sees an apple, but it is out of his reach. He jumps for the apple.] Here's a beauty!
MARY. Yes, but it's out of your reach.
MINISTER. Wish it were the only thing out of my reach! [He stands for a moment in a trance, and then goes to MARY.]
MARY. Nothing ought to be out of your reach, Doctor. And nothing would be if it only knew you wanted it, I'm sure. [Turns her face away.]
MINISTER. [Almost about to embrace her.] Jupiter, I was forgetting about your apple! Oh, here's one.
[He stands on the bench to reach the apple, and hands it to MARY.]
MARY. A splendid one - have you got a knife?
MINISTER. Yes, siree - a beauty. The Deacons gave it to me two Christmases ago.
MARY. [Handing him the apple.] Oh, a splendid one - now cut it in half.
MINISTER. No, I don't want any.
MARY. Yes, you must eat half with me. [The MINISTER digs out the seeds and cuts the apple in half.] No, save the seeds, and we'll wish with them!
MINISTER. How?
MARY. Don't you know how? I'll show you. Oh, you're so tall I must get up on the bench. [She gets on bench to reach him.] Now, close your eyes.
MINISTER. Close my eyes-?
MARY. You 're not afraid, are you?
MINISTER. No, but if I do I can't see you.
MARY. Never mind that - I can see you. Go on, now close them. [The MINISTER closes his eyes.] Now, are they tight closed - so you can't see a bit? [The MINISTER nods his head. She leans toward him and throws a kiss.] Now, come a little nearer, please. First I put an apple seed on each one of your eyelids. There, now - wish! [Short pause.] Have you wished?
MINISTER. Yes, but my nose itches, - may I scratch it?
MARY. [Frightened.] No! that might knock off the seeds. Now, wink three times, and if one of the seeds stays on, you'll get your wish.
MINISTER. I've done it - are they both off?
MARY. [Jumping down from the bench.] No, they're both on - you'll get your wish! What was it?
MINISTER. I thought it wouldn't come true if I told you?
MARY. Well, of course we're only joking. I'm afraid you think me a perfect child.
MINISTER. Perfect? Yes.
MARY. [Serious.] What did you wish for? Something for yourself?
MINISTER. No, not for myself - it was for you. [Taking her hand.] I wished that when Spring comes, after all the fruits of the Autumn have been gathered and the dead stalks of the branches have been thrown away, there will come with the new blossoms a new Herbert Woodbridge - [releases her hand] giving you a new love and life worthy of you. And the happiness you crave.
MARY. [Sadly.] Thank you, sir. That reminds me, I haven't told you yet why I came. It was to give you back your ring.
MINISTER. But I thought you were going to keep it while you waited.
MARY. Yes, but I have told Mr. Woodbridge I can never marry him.
MINISTER. But you mustn't decide that too suddenly- I believe I was not quite fair to him yesterday.
MARY. He told me everything, - things I'd never heard of before. I didn't think him that kind of a man. I thought him good like you.
MINISTER. Perhaps you can make him good. I'm afraid I'm to blame for your feeling this way. Give him one more chance, won't you?
MARY. I can't promise to marry him if I can't love him when he comes back.
MINISTER. I don't want you to do that. Only give him a chance until Spring.
MARY. I will if you wish it. But you must take back the ring.
MINISTER. Well, I will - but why?
MARY. [Going toward the house.] Because, Dr. Singleton, I know when Herbert comes in the Spring my heart will not beat one bit quicker.
MINISTER. Ah, you mustn't be too sure! It isn't fair to him.
MARY. I can't help it - I know now I shall never marry. Good-by. [She walks toward the porch.]
MINISTER. [Following her.] And my wish?
MARY. You see, you told it, so it can't come true. Good-by. [She goes into the house.]
MINISTER. Good-by. [He watches her as she disappears through the door.] What am I thinking about - I have given my promise to persuade her to wait till the Spring. [A pause. SIMPLICITY appears, going slowly.] Till Spring [He sits on the bench.] Till Spring. [A bird sings in the tree, and SIMPLICITY creeps Up behind him. The MINISTER, in deep study , does not look at her.] Is that you, Simple?
SIMPLICITY. [Half crying.] Yes, Pops. I know what's the matter with you, Pops!
MINISTER. There's nothing the matter with me, Simple.
SIMPLICITY. [Crying.] Pops, you're in love with her!
MINISTER. What makes you think so, Simple?
SIMPLICITY. 'Cause when she went into the house your eyes followed her and - Oh, Pops [Throwing her arms around him and crying still louder.]
MINISTER. [Trying to comfort her.] Why, Simple, Simple dear. Why, Simple, what is it -what is it?
SIMPLICITY. [Kneeling beside him - still louder.] I want to marry you myself!
MINISTER. Why, she's going to marry Mr. Woodbridge. Lots of us can't marry the people we want to. There, there, dear, I'm not going to marry anyone at all. [Rising.] No one at all. [He lifts her up.]
SIMPLICITY. Then neither am I - I'LL be an old maid like MISS Mattie.
MINISTER. Now, wipe your eyes and cheer up. I've got my church to give my life to. I've got my church to comfort me. [A bird sings in the tree, and DEACON STEELE, MR. and MRS. BROWN, MOLLY MEALEY and MRS. STEELE enter through the gate.]
MR. BROWN. Good evenin', Minister.
MINISTER. Good evening.
DEACON STEELE. Good evening! We've come to see you on a serious business. Ahem! We- perhaps we'd better go into the house.
MR. BROWN. There's no harm in staying here - it's pleasant after the close Sunday-school room.
MINISTER. Yes, I wrote to town this evening for some new ventilators I saw advertised in the Observer.
MR. BROWN. I think, Minister, you'd better send Simple in.
MINISTER. Yes, you go in, Simple. Why, where's your milk?
SIMPLICITY. [From the foot of the steps.] The cow kicked over the pail and spilt all the milk.
MINISTER. What have you done with the pail?
SIMPLICITY. Left it there. 'Cause I thought like as not Miss Mattie would make me go back and milk her all over again. [She goes into the house. BROWN laughs heartily.]
STEELE. What are you laughing at, Brown? That child grows worse every day.
UNCLE BILL. [Enters from the house.] Good evening - good evening!
EVERYBODY. Good evening.
UNCLE BILL. Nearly time for evening meeting. And the bell has never rung a second late since old Walters took to ringing it. [ Goes out.]
MINISTER. I had no idea 'it was so late.
STEELE. Well, Minister, as Mr. Brown told yer , there's bin a meetin' of the Council this afternoon MINISTER. Yes, and it hurt me a good deal that I wasn't wanted.
MATTIE. [Coming out from the house, with her bonnet and shawl on.] Good evening.
EVERYBODY. Good evening, Miss Mattie.
MR. BROWN. Goin' to meetin' pretty early, Miss Mattie.
MATTIE. Yes, I want to mend our seat cushion before it begins. Simple wiggles so during the sermon, she wears her place out in no time. [Goes out.]
STEELE. [To the MINISTER.] Iguess we'd better be quick about what we've come to say, Minister.
That Council was called because of the dissatisfaction, ahem - the - I may say wide-spread dis-sat-isfaction that has- ahem - that has been felt by your entire congregation - ahem for some time. [Taking out Resolutions from his pocket.] I have been deputed by the Council to see you concerning the facts which they set forth with a- ahem - great generosity, as follows: You have encouraged beggars by taking in Aunt Melissy and old Bill Walters, and given them- ahem - a home. You have damaged the character of our county Orphan Asylum by taking in your house a child which it had refused to shelter. You have robbed of her position the faithful and sweet teacher of our - [MOLLY weeps silently. MRS. BROWN encourages her- petting her.] school to further your own ends. And for fifteen years you have neglected - ahern - I can put this stronger- you have refused to take a helpmate from your congregation, which contains many well-favored women willing to help you in your work.
MR. BROWN. Willing? Anxious! [MRS. BROWN takes MR. BROWN by the arm, and jerks him roughly to her.]
STEELE. We ain't satisfied with your laxity and freedom. W e don't want a new doctrine upsettin' the old order - we don't want a billiard -table in the young men's club. We don't want playing cards in the social parlors. It's rumored you've even written a sermon upholdin' the new-fangled doctrine of there being no such thing as Fire and Brimstun! You have harbored in your house a woman who has, of her own free will, sundered her marriage vow, thus bringing scandal on the community- ahem! Do you deny any of these charges? [The choir of the evening meeting is heard singing.]
MINISTER. No.
STEELE. It is, then - my - ahem - painful duty to inform you that, unless Mrs. Woodbridge and her child leave your house at once, the Council feels obliged to ask- ahem - demand your resignation - to take effect at once.
MINISTER. At once? But it's time for evening meeting now.
STEELE. [Taking off his glasses.] Deacon Frost has kindly volunteered to lead, if you decide to resign. Will you give us your answer at once?
MINISTER. Yes.
MR. BROWN. Maybe you'd like to think it over, Minister. If so, we will go away and come back.
[H e starts to go.]
MRS. BROWN. [Pulling him back.] Oh, no we won't!
STEELE. Well, what is it? [All breathless - impatient.]
MINISTER. A little while ago I said to my sister, the bell in that little square tower over there has never rung once in all these fifteen years for service without our little gate latching behind me before the third stroke, but if it should ring till midnight to-night, it wouldn't find me one step nearer than I am now.
STEELE. That's not answering us.
MINISTER. If I finish the sermon that's on my desk now, I'm afraid it would be a plea for Purgatory after all -
STEELE. [To the others.] Ah, he's compromising!
MINISTER. You want my answer - well, take it. I have wasted my time among you - lost my strength - and if you were to withdraw every one of your charges now, my answer would still be the same - I am ashamed of you all!
STEELE. Then your answer is-
MINISTER. M y resignation! [The MINISTER stands motionless. They all go off through the gate. MOLLY MEALEY sobs. The church bell rings, which brings the MINISTER to his senses. He starts toward the gate as if to go to church, partly opens it, and walks slowly back. There is a pause, and then he sits down on the bench under the tree in a sort of dream, as]

THE CURTAIN FALLS

ACT IV

SCENE: The orchard. The same set as for Act III, only changed from an Autumn to a Spring morning. The apple tree is in full blossom. An easel and painting-stool, paints, brushes, etc., are on the lawn. SIMPLICITY discovered by the tree, examining the bark.

SIMPLICITY. I'm sure Pops was cutting some thing on this tree. I knew it - he was cutting her name.! M-a-r-y- [She tries to scratch the letters from the tree with a knife.] There, I won't have her name on my apple tree.
MATTIE. [Appears at an upper window of the house, calling.] Simple- Simple - [SIMPLICITY hides behind the tree.] I guess she's gone down to the village. [Speaking back into the room.] Bridget, you're positively the most shiftless person I ever knew- [SIMPLICITY climbs up into the tree.] I declare to goodness you haven't done a stroke of work to-day. Nobody could have rheumatism a day like this. [MARY LARKIN enters from the house. She goes to the easel, arranging paints, etc.] It's only an excuse to get out of your work. [Catching sight of MISS LARKIN.] Oh, you found your way out, all right. I wish I wasn't so overrun with work this morning-I'd sit right here in the window, and you could put me in the picture.
MARY. Thank you, but I didn't intend to do the house. I hope I haven't interrupted you too much. I tried to come across the hills through the gate - but I couldn't; it was fastened.
MATTIE. Yes, siree, - when I came home from that meeting last Fall, led by old Deacon Frost, and found out why the Minister wasn't there, I nailed up that gate hard with a hatchet. And says I to him, " Nobody goes through that gate again till you do,-back to your rightful place in the pulpit yonder."
MARY. I don't blame you, Miss Mattie. You don't mind my making a sketch of your orchard, do you?
MATTIE. Good land, no!
MARY. You see, I don't know when I shall ever get here again, and I want a little souvenir of the place.
MATTIE. It's a pity you're leaving the school - it's just them jealous women that's making your life a burden here.
MARY. Oh, no!. [Begins to paint.]
MATTIE. [Turning from the window and speaking back into the room.] Now, what is it, Bridget? For the land's sake, put a hot raisin on it, and tie your cheek up with a hot cloth. But don't take to having the toothache too often, or I'll forbid you that, along with the rheumatism. [To MARY.] For the goodness sake, Miss Larkin, if you ever marry, don't have a cook in poor health. [MINISTER enters from the house as MATTIE disappears from the window.]
SIMPLICITY. [In the tree.] Don't she think she's smart - pretending to come here and paint the orchard. Who ever heard of painting an orchard - it's just an excuse to see Pops!
MINISTER. Good morning. [At the sound of his voice, SIMPLICITY starts, but recovers quickly. The MINISTER looks over MARY'S shoulder as she paints.]
MARY. [Looking up.] Good morning, Dr. Singleton.
SIMPLICITY. [In the tree, mocking MARY.] Good morning, Dr. Singleton.
MINISTER. [Looking at the picture.] Oh, you're putting us in?
MARY. Trying to. Do you remember that day?
MINISTER. It was just six months ago, yesterday.
MARY. Yesterday- and Herbert hasn't come. Do you know what I heard in the village this morning?
MINISTER. No - what?
MARY. [Smiling and painting.] The new Minister's leaving.
MINISTER. What! The last one - why, he's only been here a month.
MARY. I know it. But he says he can't stand it - there's no pleasing them. I told Mrs. Brown I was glad of it.
MINISTER. You'd better look out or she won't let you board with her any longer.
MARY. What do you think - she agreed with me!
MINISTER. No!
MARY. Yes, she did, and she said it would teach the people a lesson.
BRIDGET. [Coming out of the house with a red flannel cloth tied around her face, as if suffering from toothache.] If you plaze, surr, Miss Mattie's after asking if you're going to the post office?
MINISTER. Yes, I'm going right away, Bridget. [BRIDGET goes back into the house.]
MARY. Doctor, will you ask if there are any letters for me too, please?
MINISTER. Yes. I know from whom you mean. A letter or he must come to-day. [He goes toward the house.]
MARY. Good-by. [The MINISTER turns at the porch.]
MINISTER. Good-by.
MARY. Good-by!
SIMPLICITY. [In the tree, mockingly.] Good-by- it's about time she went back to her own town to live! Anyhow, I'm going to get Pops out of her head. [Suddenly jumps from the tree, frightening MARY.]
MARY. Oh, how you frightened me.!
SIMPLICITY. Did I - what 'cher doing? [Going over to MARY.]
MARY. Painting.
SIMPLICITY. What?
MARY. The orchard - don't you see?
SIMPLICITY. [Coming behind her, and looking over MARY'S shoulder, she rubs her finger on the canvas.] What's that?
MARY. Oh, please be careful - you'll spoil it.
' SIMPLICITY. [Sulkily.] 'Scuse me!
MARY. That's the bench under the tree, with Dr. Singleton on it.
SIMPLICITY. Who's that going to be by him Mis' Woodbridge?
MARY. No, I am on the bench. [After a pause.] Simple, what made you think it was Mrs. Woodbridge?
SIMPLICITY. 'Cause Pops is in love with her. [Waiting to see the effect.] I say Pops is in love with Mrs. Woodbridge. That's why he took up for her against the church. I guess they'll be married soon.
MARY. [Rising from the stool.] I don't believe it!
SIMPLICITY. Don't you? That's because you're in love with him yourself.
MARY. How dare you say that - how dare you? You're a bad, impudent little girl - that's what you are!
SIMPLICITY. I thought I'd make you mad before I got through. Everybody sees you're in love with him.
MARY. [Half crying - very angry.] You've no right to say such a thing! Suppose he had heard you? I - I - I hate you! [Going up to the picture.] Simplicity, I hate you - I hate you! You'll see if I love him. [She takes her palette knife from the easel, and zig-zags across the picture.] There, there, there! I wouldn't do that if I loved him! And you can tell everybody who's said so that I love Herbert Woodbridge, and that he's coming to marry me to-day. Oh, you spiteful little thing - I hate you - I hate you! [She drops the knife and rushes away through the trees.]
SIMPLICITY. [Watches her out of sight; then she picks up the camp stool and knocks down the easel.] I hate you too - I hate you.! I've separated you and Pops, but I wish I was dead! [She throws herself on the bench and sobs violently. MRS. BROWN, carrying a parasol, and MISS MEALEY appear at the gate, trying to open it, but cannot.]
MISS MEALEY. I can't open it.
MRS. BROWN. Let me try - you haven't strength enough to kill a mosquito. [She struggles with the locked gate, but fails to open it. The noise arouses SIMPLICITY.]
SIMPLICITY. You can't get in that way - MISS Mattie's nailed Lovers' Lane up.
MRS. BROWN. [From the other side of the gate, very sweetly.] Oh, Simplicity, how do you do?
MISS MEALEY. How do you do?
SIMPLICITY. [Not moving from the bench.] My health's pretty good, I thank you. You'll have to go around to the front if you want to get in.
MRS. BROWN. Oh, dear! We haven't time to do that.
MISS MEALEY. Perhaps if Miss Mattie knew what we come for, she'd let us in this way.
SIMPLICITY. Well, I'll call her. Miss Mattie - Miss Mattie - Miss Mattie! [She runs into the house.]
MRS. BROWN. [Still outside the gate.] Now, Molly Mealey, for Heaven's sake, don't make a fool of yourself like the last time you were here. Throwing out hints to Dr. Singleton, after being snubbed by everyone of those new preachers! You ought to begin to see the Lord never intended you for a minister's wife.
MISS MEALEY. I wish you'd mind your own business, Mrs. Brown. Just because you're the mother of seven, you needn't think nobody else can have a chance - I'm something of a flirt, but I'm not fickle!
[MATTIE comes from the house.]
MRS. BROWN. [At the gate, very pleasantly.] Good morning, Miss Mattie.
MATTIE. [Shortly.] How do you do?
MRS. BROWN. We just thought we'd drop in.
MATTIE. It's taken you about six months to think it.
MISS MEALEY. Can we get in this way?
MATTIE. Yes.
MISS MEALEY and MRS. BROWN. [Very pleased.] O-oh!
MATTIE. If you can climb!
MRS. BROWN. Oh, now, Miss Mattie!
MATTIE. No, siree. When you shut that gate against the Minister, you shut it against yourselves too.
MRS. BROWN. But we've come to open it again for him, now .
MATTIE. What?
MISS MEALEY. And we've come to ask if you'll let the Sewing Circle meet here next week?
MATTIE. Why?
MRS. BROWN. And the choir wants to know if Mrs. Woodbridge will be willing to sing again, beginni